I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

Even Sim Ah-ryeon and Seo Gyu, who were not easily excited, were noisily chatting in the back seat. It must have helped that I had prepared factory-made potato chips and chocolate snacks for this day.

“This is my first time being invited somewhere and playing with others...”

“This is also the first time my hyung has invited me somewhere, so I’m really looking forward to it.”

“As expected of the Busan Station fam... The bond is incomparable to other losers...!”

I smiled contentedly and turned the steering wheel. Today, I, the Undertaker, was guiding them not as a guild leader but as a humble guide.

“From here, it is the entrance to Idea Ranch. Welcome, everyone.”

“Wow! Ah? Ahhh...?”

Sim Ah-ryeon's cheer, as she looked at the ranch through the window, peaked like a soprano and gradually descended.

“Uh... Guild leader...?”

“What’s the matter?”

“Why does the horse ranch have... um, a ten-meter-high barbed wire fence and concrete walls?”

“Hmm.”

I nodded.

“Certainly, it’s not a very visually appealing outdoor decoration.”

“Yes, yes. It's a bit scary, or to be more honest, it’s almost hideous...”

“I agree.”

I pressed the remote control button.

With a rumbling sound, the heavy gate sealing the safari theme park slowly opened.

“But Ah-ryeon, the appearance of something is just a secondary attribute, not its essence.”

“Y-Yes...?”

“Think about it. Ranches naturally have fences. It’s only natural because the animals should not escape. Our Idea Ranch has just made the fence a little more sturdy. The essence of the ranch hasn’t changed at all. Understand?”

“Eh...”

The tires of my safari truck rolled gracefully through the open gate.

“By the way, it’s fine to keep the windows open, but don’t stick your head out. It could be dangerous while driving.”

“Ah, yes. Yes...”

As soon as Sim Ah-ryeon pulled her upper body back inside the car, I pressed the remote control button again.

With a clattering sound, metal bars rose from the window frames, protecting the windows. “Hic,” Sim Ah-ryeon flinched.

“Guild leader? The iron bars on the windows, why did they suddenly...?”

“Well, I made some modifications to the truck for the safari. How is it? Isn’t it awesome? Your guild leader has many talents.”

“It’s amazing, really. But, why is such amazingness necessary...?”

“......”

By this point, Seo Gyu also fell silent like Noh Do-hwa. Looking through the rearview mirror, I saw that his manly face was starting to sweat.

“Of course, it's to thoroughly ensure the safety of our precious tourists, isn’t it?”

“No, what I mean is, why is safety necessary for just a casual look around the ranch...”

“Ah-ryeon.”

Seo Gyu spoke solemnly.

“Y-yes?”

“Put on your seatbelt.”

“Ugh. I hate wearing a seatbelt because it’s uncomfortable and makes me feel suffocated...”

Then it happened.

Heeeeyaaa!

“Eeeeek?”

Simultaneously with the cute neigh from outside the car, Sim Ah-ryeon screamed inside.

“Ah. Everyone, please turn your gaze to the 2 o’clock direction. Can you see? This is our proud first horse from Idea Ranch, Kkingkki.”

“A horse...?”

Noh Do-hwa looked out through the metal bars with cold eyes.

“Is that a horse...?”

The horse was warily eyeing our safari truck.

A sign that originally read ‘Kkingkki’ was hung around its neck, but it had broken it again, so only ‘Kki■ki’ was legible. Really, it was quite a troublemaker.

Of course, having been raised in the void, it looked somewhat different from an ordinary horse. That is, its appearance, a secondary attribute, not an essential quality, showed a slight difference.

For example, unlike other horses, Kkingkki could walk on two legs. Not like a human's upright posture, but hunched over.

Anyway, it was still a horse.

Its skin color was not brown, black, or white, but a somewhat greenish hue, likely an adaptation to the weed-filled plains of Daesan-myeon.

And... well, its teeth were sharp. But horses originally have well-developed teeth. Kkingkki had simply undergone a bit of convergent evolution.

Anyway, it was still a horse.

Finally, its hooves, in other words, its nails and claws, had also become slightly sharper. But considering that hooves are originally part of a horse’s body, this was a minor change.

After surveying all these attributes, Noh Do-hwa muttered bleakly.

“That’s... a dinosaur...”

At that moment, Kkingkki opened its mouth.

Heeeeyaaa!

Well. From the bond I built over the past six months with the horses, I interpreted it as “What nonsense are you talking about, Do-hwa? I’m a horse.”

“Huh? A dinosaur? Oh, don’t slander us. How do our kids look like dinosaurs? Dinosaurs are hideous creatures covered in fuzz, whereas our kids have smooth skin.”

“Hmm. Leaving aside the fact that horses grow manes, since when did horse skin boast a smooth green color like a reptile...?”

“Velociraptor?”

Seo Gyu shouted from the back seat.

“Raptor! It's a raptor, hyung!”

“Raptor?”

“Yes! From Jurassic Park. Wait. Oh my god, don’t tell me you haven’t seen Jurassic Park either?”

“Of course not. That movie came out before I was born.”

“No, that’s the old trilogy. My god. Hyung, how can you be such a movie ignoramus? There are so many recent series...”

“Eeeeek!”

Noh Do-hwa was horrified, Seo Gyu was excited, and Sim Ah-ryeon was thrilled. Clearly, everyone was delighted by Kkingkki’s cuteness.

I continued driving the safari truck.

“Ah. Ah. Now please turn your gaze to the 9 o’clock direction. There you can see Byojoki, the thirty-third successful gene work horse of our ranch. It walks on all fours, as a horse should.”

“Triceratops!”

“Please don’t call our Byojoki by such a crude name, Seo Gyu.”

“Another dinosaur... What did you do to these horses to make them grow rhino horns on their heads...?”

“Now, look at the 11 o’clock direction. That’s Kongkongi. A horse with a very pretty head.”

“Pachycephalosaurus! Head-butting dinosaur!”

“Oh, Kongkongi seems happy to see us. He’s knocking on the truck. Ha ha. Let’s all wave and greet Kongkongi!”

“Heeeek... The car is shaking...”

As expected, the safari tour was a great success.

Every time I introduced a member of our ranch, cheers erupted.

Throughout my entire regressor life, there hadn’t been a day as rewarding as this one as a host.

“Alright. Now, everyone, isn’t it a bit boring to just watch the horses through the iron bars from the safely protected truck?”

“No!”

“I feel the same as you! So, I will specially allow you to interact with the horses under my guidance.”

“Ahhh! Ahhh...!”

Sim Ah-ryeon wailed. Really, she didn’t have to be so overjoyed.

“In that sense, I will now introduce my top pick, the pride of Idea Ranch, Keongkeongi.”

“Keongkeongi...?”

“A very gentle and good-natured fellow. Everyone, please get off the truck. Ah-ryeon? Come out nicely. If you don’t, I’ll expose you as OldManGoryeo on SG Net.”

“Hick. Hic, hic...”

Following me, everyone got off the safari truck.

“Keongkeongi! Come here!”

With a whistle, I took a goat barbecue from the trunk and threw it into the distant forest.

A moment later.

With a thud, a goat’s hind leg flew out of the forest, torn off. Coincidentally, the hind leg flew past Sim Ah-ryeon's face and hit the truck window.

“Kyaaa!”

“Now, Keongkeongi will appear. Everyone, our Keongkeongi is very gentle but still young and lacks composure. So please don’t provoke him.”

“We agreed to call that [bad temperament]...”

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Keongkeongi emerged from the forest, his majestic figure towering. He was the largest among the horses I had raised so far. His hind legs were exceptionally massive compared to his somewhat slender front legs.

Above all, he had a beautiful head.

Seo Gyu punched the air.

“Of course! A T. rex should make an appearance! And it’s even a featherless version! Fuck, who cares about scientific accuracy!”

“Gurgle...”

For the first time in a while, Seo Gyu uttered a curse as SG Man, while Sim Ah-ryeon collapsed next to him.

She must have fainted from overwhelming emotion. It was understandable given how handsome Keongkeongi was.

Grrroooar!

Keongkeongi, seeing his dad, expressed his delight.

“Did you hear that? Keongkeongi is the youngest of our ranch and loves goat meat the most.”

“A carnivorous horse...?”

“Of course. Why do you criticize our boy for eating meat?”

“Aha. Until now, I wondered why the Undertaker didn’t have a family or even a pet. But seeing this today, I realize it’s fortunate you don’t have children or pets...”

Thud! Thud!

Keongkeongi, charging with his powerful hind legs, ran towards me. I, too, raised my aura and hugged Keongkeongi’s head with both arms.

“Oh, there, there. Did you miss Dad a lot?”

Grrroooar!

“That’s right. Don’t spill your food while eating. Here’s the goat hind leg you dropped. Chew it well.”

Grrr! Grrroar!

“How is it? Isn’t our Keongkeongi cute?”

“......”

Unfortunately, there was no answer from the fainted Sim Ah-ryeon, and Seo Gyu was too busy observing Keongkeongi to respond. So, Noh Do-hwa, who prided herself on being devoid of a soul, had to answer.

“You’re just overpowering a T. rex with brute strength...”

Thus, after decorating the highlight of the safari tour, we returned leisurely to our accommodation. For the record, Sim Ah-ryeon remained unconscious the whole time.

I smiled broadly.

“So, Noh Do-hwa, what are your thoughts after inspecting our ranch’s achievements?”

“Hmm...”

“I think Keongkeongi is the most suitable as the mount for our future cavalry.”

“Hmm...”

“Raising them is not easy, but if you grant us the time and budget, I will surely cultivate 1,000 Keongkeongis to create the world’s strongest cavalry. Oh, and all cavalrymen must blow the horn I made during charges.”

“Hmm.”

Noh Do-hwa also smiled broadly.

It was a rare smile for her.

“Bullshit.”

Why?

Epilogue 1.

In the end, Keongkeongi’s cavalry debut was canceled, but the achievements of Idea Ranch were not entirely ignored.

“Undertaker. Does that huge dinosaur, Byojoki or whatever it’s called, eat a lot...?”

“No. Thanks to the wonders of void genetics, it absorbs most of the energy it needs for biological activity through its skin. And it’s a horse, not a dinosaur.”

“Whether it’s a dinosaur or a horse, that’s good news. From now on, the National Road Management Corps will use Byojoki for transporting goods...”

Additionally, for military mounts for the awakeners, Kongkongi, the head-butting specialized horse, was selected instead of Keongkeongi.

Naturally, I fiercely protested this absurd decision.

“No! The essence of a cavalry unit is to be stylish! What’s the romance in cavalrymen riding Kongkongis?”

“But doesn’t Keongkeongi eat nearly 100kg of meat a day...? On the other hand, Kongkongi requires little food and is docile. I don’t see a reason to hesitate...”

“Damn it! A cavalry unit is not about efficiency!”

“Then let’s call it a mobile unit instead of a cavalry unit, or even a dinosaur unit. Hell, I don’t mind calling the National Road Management Corps by its name...”

How could a person have such an insensitive perspective?

As a result, from the 380th cycle onward, awakeners occasionally rode Kongkongis around the Korean Peninsula. This was limited to the cycles in which I managed Idea Ranch.

I returned sadly and rode alone on Keongkeongi’s back. A red sunset was setting beyond the horizon.

“I’m sorry, Keongkeongi. It seems I can’t make a mate for you...”

Grrroooar.

It’s okay, Keongkeongi replied, saying he found value in philosophical exploration rather than in a romantic relationship.

Ah! How heartbreaking.

Saddened, I blew the horn while riding on Keongkeongi’s back.

Wooooooo!

Grrroooar!

Against the backdrop of a fiery sunset, a man and a horse roared.

Humanity’s romance with the cavalry had finally come to an end.

Epilogue 2.

“Seo Gyu, I watched the dinosaur movie you recommended. But I didn’t like it.”

“Huh? How many did you watch?”

“Six. I watched the final one first since it was the last. The subtitle was Dominion. Why did you recommend such a movie?”

“No, hyung, fuck...”

Footnotes:

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