御书房文学网

Chapter 53

[Bossou is a porter today. Today is a sad day.]

"I\'m sorry."

Using Bossou\'s power, I moved the grocery bags as well as the unconscious In-Ah to the front door and pressed the doorbell. There was no response. I pressed it five more times but still got no answer. Glancing at the window, I noticed that the lights were all off. It seemed like there was no one in her house.

"In-Ah."

"Huh...?"

"Can you get in by yourself?"

"Huh..."

In-Ah repeated the same response in a drowsy voice, and it was hard to tell if she was conscious.

I couldn\'t just wait here until she woke up. I had done everything I could by bringing her to the front door. However, leaving her alone made me feel uneasy. The biggest problem was that I wasn’t sure when In-Ah would wake up. It would be fine if she woke up soon, but it would be dangerous if she slept like this. Although it was spring, the night breeze was still cold, and there was also a risk of being a victim of crime.

"Ah, screw it."

I decided to stick around until I saw In-Ah pick herself up and walk into the house. Even though it wasn’t like I had much free time, I couldn\'t leave her like that either.

A few moments later, she suddenly opened her eyes. She didn’t seem fully conscious, though, as her eyes were out of focus and only halfway open. In the most basic sense, she was awake, but it seemed like she had a long way to go before she could prop herself up again.

"When will your parents come?"

"They’re not coming...” In-Ah said with difficulty as she blinked.

"Then when will you go in? Are you going to sleep out here?"

"Yeah..."

"You respond well. You’re actually conscious, right?"

"..."

She seemed to be fully conscious now. At least, it seemed that she had enough strength to respond. I reached out my hand to her again.

"Get up. Let\'s go inside."

In-Ah held my hand and barely managed to get up with her shaking legs her legs. She seemed unstable and looked like she would collapse again at any moment. In-Ah headed for the entrance, and with trembling fingertips, she entered the password and opened the door.

"Go in and get some rest. Eat something. Don\'t skip meals just because you don’t feel like it.”

She didn\'t answer and just stared at me blankly.

"Are you listening?"

"...Ah, huh? Yeah."

"And what did I say?"

In-Ah tilted her head as if she was thinking.

"... ‘See you tomorrow?’"

"You didn\'t listen. I said to eat up and rest."

"Ah, yeah." In-Ah nodded slightly. This time, she seemed to understand.

I was about to turn and leave with my bags, but In-Ah grabbed my wrist. Her grip was weak, and it was a stretch to say she was pulling me in. It was more like she was holding onto it.

After holding my wrist for a while, she suddenly said, "I can\'t eat."

"Why? Is your stomach upset?"

"I have nothing to eat. I can\'t cook."

"You don’t have to cook anything fancy. Just make something simple like porridge and eat it.”

In-Ah looked down. The corners of her mouth dropped.

"I don\'t want to eat alone..." She spoke in a trembling voice, almost on the verge of tears, and pulled my wrist toward her.

Strangely, seeing In-Ah like this made my head hurt, and my hands and feet turned cold. My heart started to creak like a malfunctioning machine.

I forced myself to speak.

"But we can\'t eat together."

"Why not?"

"You want me to come in to watch you eat?"

"I don’t mind,” In-Ah said nonchalantly.

She had a vacant look in her eyes, and it looked as if she had lost her judgment, but she wouldn’t let go of my wrist.

I could have easily shaken off her grip if I wanted to, but there was no need to, and I didn\'t want to.

"Come in."

***

I hastily entered In-Ah\'s house. The whole house looked extremely sacred; it was very spacious, and sacred paintings and statues were displayed all over. It seemed like ghosts wouldn\'t dare to approach the house.

[I don’t feel too good.] Legba expressed discomfort, but that wasn\'t my problem. It was Legba who was uncomfortable, not me.

While I cautiously wandered inside the house, In-Ah slumped on the sofa, almost as if she was melting into it. Then she quickly closed her eyes as if she had fallen asleep.

"In-Ah."

"Wha-? Oh, yeah."

In-Ah eyes shot open in surprise. She seemed to have fallen asleep in that slight second. I sat down next to her on the sofa.

"What about food? Aren’t you going to have something?"

"I will."

"Then how come you’re lying down like that?"

In-Ah blinked as if she had forgotten what to say, then closed her eyes again.

"I’m tired... Can\'t I just not eat?"

"I told you earlier. You have to eat, even if you’re not in the mood. Get up. Come on."

"It won’t taste good if I make it. I feel like I get more sick if I eat my own cooking..."

"If I cook, will you eat?"

In-Ah nodded without saying a word.

I rummaged through my bags and searched for ingredients. I planned to use the ingredients I had bought earlier to make something simple, like a rice porridge or a mild broth.

I could have also given In-Ah the ingredients and let her cook her own meal, but I didn\'t want to force a sick person to cook. It was bound to be a catastrophic disaster if she collapsed again while handling a knife or dealing with fire. I would rather take matters into my own hands.

Shaaa—

I started to cook. I microwaved the instant rice, and while that was going, I prepared the vegetables. It seemed that she wouldn\'t be able to eat the porridge in her current state, but making a flavorful broth sounded challenging as well. So, I planned to make something in between, which was a dish that was a mixture of porridge and soup.

I cut the carrots and zucchini as small as possible and minced the ground beef a bit more. While stir-frying the prepared ingredients in a pot, I mashed the rice. When the ingredients were halfway cooked, I added the rice and water at the right moment. I just had to wait for it to simmer until the consistency was right, and my dish would be complete.

"Hey, wake up."

I woke up In-Ah, who was lying down again. She barely managed to get up, rubbing her dazed eyes.

"I feel dizzy."

I poured some warm water from the dispenser and handed it to her. Dizziness was often caused by dehydration. Moreover, it was important to replenish fluids regularly when suffering from gastritis. She received the cup with both hands but stared at the water instead of drinking it.

"Drink it slowly."

"Mm."

In-Ah nodded as she drank the water. She drank it really slowly as if she was savoring every sip.

I washed the cup she had used and put it back in its place. Then, I checked on the porridge and saw that it was almost ready. I transferred the porridge to a bowl to let it cool, and waited. Once it had cooled down enough, I handed the porridge to In-Ah.

"It might be hot."

"Wow, you\'re good at cooking."

I just stared at In-Ah without responding.

Before putting the porridge in her mouth, she suddenly stopped and looked at me. Our eyes met.

"You’re not going to have some?"

"Oh, I already had dinner."

It was a lie. I was planning to eat alone at home. I didn\'t want to risk getting indigestion by eating at someone else\'s home. In-Ah nodded and silently ate the porridge. I kept watching her.

Considering how well she was eating, she must have been hungry. However, she was still not eating as fast as normal, so she probably wouldn’t upset her stomach. I continued to watch her for a while.

In-Ah raised her head again.

"What is it? Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Because you\'re ugly," I said jokingly.

In-Ah squinted at me, betrayal imminent in her eyes.

"You\'re ugly too. Dummy. Stupid. Stupid dummy."

"It\'s just a joke. Eat up."

"You always say it\'s a joke," she said matter-of-factly and finished eating the porridge.

"Was it good?"

"No, it was horrible."

"Even when you ate every last bit of it?"

"I don\'t know. It was terrible."

Her eyes wavered, and her shoulders stiffened. It was clear that she was lying.

Perhaps she was annoyed because I had called her ugly earlier. Anyway, I was relieved because she seemed like she had enjoyed the meal. Gradually, color returned to her pale, lifeless face.

When I looked at the clock, it was already around 9 p.m. In-Ah had regained consciousness, eaten the food I had cooked her, and it was getting late. I decided it was time to head back. It was a bit strange to be alone with In-Ah at night.

I helped with the cleaning, did the dishes, and prepared to leave.

"Are you leaving?"

In-Ah stood up. Her legs were still trembling, but she didn\'t seem as precarious as before. She seemed to be the type to recover quickly, both physically and mentally.

"I should. It\'s exam season, and I used all of my time cooking for you."

"Well, if you say it like that..."

"I\'m just kidding. I don\'t study anyway," I said, laughing.

"It’s usually the people with good grades that say that. You’re so annoying."

"But I’m not good at studying."

In-Ah frowned as if she couldn\'t believe what she was hearing. I replied with a smile, and her face brightened up, and she joined in by laughing as well.

"Seriously, you..."

Although it was merely a chuckle that had come out in disbelief, it was a bright laugh. I kneeled down to tie my shoelaces. I wasn\'t sure when they had come undone. I tied them tightly so they wouldn\'t come undone again.

"Sun-Woo."

Just as I was about halfway out the front door, In-Ah called out to me. She was brushing her disheveled brown hair with her hand, trying to tidy it up as she spoke.

"That porridge, or soup, whatever it was—it was delicious."

"Of course, it\'s delicious. I made it myself."

"How humble of you... Well, I\'ll call you again if I get sick for porridge delivery."

"Sure, but next time, I\'ll charge you."

In-Ah\'s eyes widened in surprise.

"What? But it was free today."

"Today was just a sample. Next time, it\'ll cost thirty thousand won."

"Thirty thousand? What a scam—”

"That\'s why you shouldn’t get sick."

I adjusted the back of my shoes and straightened my clothes. In-Ah stood there, staring at me blankly, until I opened the door and stepped outside.

"Make sure to come to school tomorrow."

Instead of saying goodbye, I asked her to come to school and left.

***

On the way home, I walked with a basket in each hand, swaying back and forth. I was having a conversation with Legba.

[It seems like she’s desperately searching for her sister. How about just handing her over as a zombie?]

"That’s a really selfish thought."

[What\'s so selfish about it? She should be grateful that we found her sister.]

In reality, it was more of a debate than a conversation—no, it was more of an argument. Legba was my reliable ally and advisor, but there were times like this when our opinions didn\'t align. Especially when it came to discussing morals, Legba was often too apathetic. To put it nicely, he was rational, but to put it harshly, he lacked empathy and was insensitive.

"Just imagine, how would you think she would feel if she was reunited with her sister after all this time only to find her as a zombie?”

[What do you mean, how would she feel? She would feel relieved to find her regardless if she was a human or zombie because it’s her sister.]

“Think of it this way. Let’s pretend I find my mother and her brain is completely shriveled up. She’s unable to say a word, and she’s turned into a screaming monster. How would I feel then?"

[Oh, that would be unfortunate.]

"Yes, exactly."

Finally, I succeeded in making Legba understand. I\'m not sure if it was an appropriate analogy, but as long as Legba understood, it was enough.

[Okay, even if that\'s the case, you have excessive guilt towards that woman. It\'s not your fault.]

"It is my fault."

"That woman\'s sister turned into a zombie because of Han Su-Yeop, not because of you. You have no reason to feel guilty."

"Han Su-Yeop was a high-ranking member of the Voodoo Cult, and I am the Voodoo Cult Leader."

[What does that have to do with anything?] Legba questioned in disbelief.

"A leader should take responsibility for the matter if their subordinates mess up."

[Why does that even matter?]

\'Why does that even matter?\' Whether it was intentional or not, Legba’s wordplay made my head spin.[1]

I chuckled. "You used to stress about upholding the dignity of a cult leader, and now you\'re saying this? It doesn\'t add up."

[Right, a cult leader should uphold their dignity, but they shouldn’t have to take responsibility for the sins committed by a high-ranking member. And there\'s less reason to feel guilty.]

"If a leader doesn\'t take that responsibility, then what do they get their dignity from?”

Hearing my question, Legba fell silent.

[Dignity comes from strength. And you are strong.]

"You cannot force everything with mere strength. That\'s not a leader, but a dictator."

[Cult leaders sometimes need to act like dictators. They shouldn’t have to take responsibility for everything.]

"But that\'s not the case now. As a cult leader, if I enjoy the benefits and shy away from the responsibilities, how am I different from a charlatan?"

Legba chuckled briefly. [That\'s quite a funny statement. The world already considers the Voodoo Cult as that kind of cult.]

"Because the Holy See has defined it as such."

The Voodoo Cult was considered the ‘deviant’ kind of cult rather than the ‘solemn ritual’ kind, and I was the third-generation Cult Leader of the charlatan group. That was what the world considered us.

However, that didn’t mean it was alright to act like an actual cult. Otherwise, the Voodoo Cult would be admitting to being nothing more than a sham.

"But just because it was defined that way, it doesn\'t mean we automatically become real charlatans, right?"

Legba remained silent for a while after listening to my words.

I had become the cult leader at a much younger age than my father, but that didn’t mean I could evade the responsibilities of a cult leader. Youthfulness was not an excuse. Whether I was three years old or seventy, what mattered was the fact that I was the cult leader.

That was why I considered Han Su-Yeop\'s wrongdoing as my responsibility, I felt guilty towards In-Ah, and I strived to restore Yoon-Ah to being human.

[Seems like you\'ve become more eloquent.]

"And you, Legba, have become less proficient."

[Haha, but your audacity stays the same. It’s times like this when I see that you are your mother’s son.] Legba laughed heartily.

I also laughed along while walking through the empty alley.

Each bag in my hand and step I took felt heavy. Even the air felt dense and murky, as if it could crush me. It almost felt like I would sink down into the asphalt. But I continued to walk resolutely. Each step was sluggish, and I strained with effort, but it was manageable.

"Oh, you can\'t come this way. Please take the side street."

A paladin blocked my path when I was less than fifty meters away from home,

I was slightly taken aback. Why was I being stopped with no explanation?

"What\'s going on?"

"There\'s a fire. It\'s not fully extinguished yet, so I suggest you turn back."

"A fire?"

I looked at a building in the distance. Unquenched flames illuminated the surroundings. Thick smoke rose up to obscure the moon, and ashes scattered everywhere. The air was filled with a pungent smell of smoke.

Crack!

There was the sound of something breaking in the falling grocery bag. Maybe it was an egg.

[Be careful of fire.]

Baron Samedi\'s cheerful and mischievous voice echoed in my ears. The fire he warned me about wasn\'t the wildfire on Eiden Hill or Jin-Seo\'s cigarette.

"Our... our house. That\'s our house... on fire?"

Our house was burning.

1. The Korean sentence was [? ??? ?? ??.] The wordplay comes with the word ?? which can mean both “leader” and “care/matter”—along the lines of “what\'s it matter to you/why do you care?” Legba is mocking Sun-Woo\'s usage of “leader,” so he’s saying “why do you care?” and “you, a leader?” at the same time. ?