御书房文学网

Chapter 52

Satanists were fast. They had large builds and moved without any unnecessary movements. They were at least agile enough to not fall in public either. Usually, they were also around my size. But the woman in front of me was much smaller, slow at running, and sloppy overall.

It was only then that I was convinced that she was not a Satanist. I reached out my hand because I couldn’t just ignore her and pass by. However, she remained lying down on the ground, not even flinching.

"Hello?" I called out to her again, but there was no response. Passersby murmured as they looked at the fallen woman.

“Oh no, what should we do? Is she unconscious? Should I call emergency services?”

Faint voices of concern for the woman could be heard all around.

[She doesn\'t seem to be dead. She’s breathing.]

"Can you stand up?"

She didn\'t appear dead to me either. She seemed to lie there because she was embarrassed, but that wasn’t a good choice, because more people were gathering by the second. Some of them were genuinely contemplating calling 911. Fortunately, she seemed to sense that the situation was getting out of hand and got up and brushed off her knees.

"Oh, I\'m not hurt. I\'m fine. Thank you anyway." She tightly pressed down her disheveled hood and slightly lowered her head.

I caught a glimpse of brown hair. Her voice also sounded somewhat familiar. In fact, it didn\'t just sound familiar, but it was a voice that I had heard so much to the point that it felt engraved in my ear.

"In-Ah?"

"Huh? Uh, nope, that’s not me,” she replied.

Her voice was a bit huskier than before. It seemed like she was lowering her voice in an effort to try and not be recognized. One could change the pitch of their voice, but that wouldn’t mask their natural tone. Her voice had the exact tone and mannerisms characteristic of In-Ah.

"What do you mean it’s not you? Did you come to do some shopping?" I casually asked, or rather, pretended to be casual.

When I looked at In-Ah, I couldn\'t help but think of Yoon-Ah, who had turned into a zombie. The sound of chimes and the rattling of iron bars echoed in my ears. My chest felt heavy as if someone had placed a heavy stone on it. One could have called it feeling guilty, but the feeling that I felt was something heavier and stickier. Nevertheless, I didn\'t show it. Keeping my emotions hidden from facial expressions and speech was my specialty.

"Oh, yeah. Shopping. But there\'s nothing to buy, so I\'m thinking of just... going back home.”In-Ah slightly lifted her hood up and lowered her mask below her chin.

I was worried that she would continue to pretend that she didn’t recognize me or try running away. Thankfully, that didn’t seem like the case.

Overall, her face behind the mask seemed lifeless. There was a slight flush on her cheeks, she had tired eyes, and her lips were dry and parched. Her cheeks were also gaunt. She was already thin, but it seemed like she had grown even thinner in the past two days. As I continued to stare at her, In-Ah quickly raised her mask to cover her face. The flush that had stayed around her cheeks had made its way around her eyes. She seemed embarrassed.

"What... What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing.. if you\'re going home, want to walk home together?"

Since we were heading in the same direction anyway, I thought it would be better to walk there together than walk by myself. There was that, and I also had something to tell her. It wasn\'t anything important, more trivial than anything.

"Well, um, uh. Sure...?" However, In-Ah seemed to feel uneasy about it.

I could see from her perspective and understood how she would feel uncomfortable around me. I understood because although I didn’t show it, I had a hard time treating her with ease as well. Logically, I understood wehre she was coming from, but I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. In-Ah was very hesitant and seemed to not be able to decide what to do. I spoke up first to break the silence.

"If you don\'t want to or feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to go together."

"Uh... Uh? No, I don’t not... I don\'t dislike it. Let\'s go together." In-Ah seemed flustered. Her words felt more incoherent today.

Her gaze was clear most of the time, but occasionally it would go out of focus. She would also get tongue tied here and there, making her seem unsettled. I had a guess as to why. It must be because of her sister.

"Well, that\'s a relief. Anyway, let\'s go." I said, struggling to push down my complicated emotions. The shopping bags in my hands felt so heavy that I felt like I would suddenly sink into the ground beneath me.

***

The sky was intensely dark due to clouds obscuring the moonlight. The only source of light in the alley were the sporadic streetlights. We walked along the alley, as if chasing the closest light ahead. As always, the alley was desolate.

"..."

Unlike her usual self, In-Ah didn\'t say a word today. Judging from her expression, she seemed to be deep in thought and had no thoughts at all at the same time. Her steps were unusually slow as well.

I adjusted my pace to match hers, walking at least two or three times slower.

"What were you going to buy?"

In-Ah wouldn\'t say anything unless I initiated the conversation. The heavy silence and awkwardness were suffocating, so I opened my mouth first to break the stillness.

Usually, In-Ah spoke first during moments like this, but this time the roles were reversed. In-Ah continued walking, and it was unclear whether she had heard me or not.

"Are you listening?"

"Uh? Oh. Um... What did you say?"

"I was asking what you were looking for to buy at the mart."

"Oh..." In-Ah dropped her head and looked at the ground. I followed her gaze instinctively. There was nothing on the ground. The streetlights illuminated the street, but the charcoal asphalt remained as black as ever.

"To buy...por... por... pork chops?" Her gaze wavered and her shoulders stiffened whenever she lied.

In any case, she probably went to the mart to buy porridge, not pork chops. I wasn\'t sure why she would lie to me.

"Yeah. Pork chops," she repeated.

"Did the hospital tell you to have porridge? Is it for gastritis?"

"Yeah... Huh? No, I don’t have gastritis." In-Ah looked at me with surprised eyes and lightly shook her hand. Her eyes were still trembling. Once again, a lie. I could easily see through the lie, but she seemed to be persuaded that she was doing a good job of deceiving me.

"Oh yeah? Then what did the hospital say?"

"...I have a cold? And I\'m not sick. I pretended to be sick because I didn\'t want to go to school."

"Did you eat?"

"Yup."

Another lie.

"And you had food yesterday?"

"Of course."

"You haven\'t eaten anything since yesterday?"

"No, I’m telling you that I did!"

No wonder her face looked pale, and her arms so thin. It seemed like she hadn\'t eaten anything for the past two days. If she had gastritis, she wouldn\'t be able to keep down even water, further discouraging her from having anything.

"You should eat even if you\'re sick."

"What am I supposed to do when I vomit everything up... Ah, no. I mean, I keep telling you this, but I ate!"

"I wonder why you keep lying."

As I stared at her intently, she quickly turned her head and avoided eye contact. In-Ah had a habit of avoiding eye contact when she felt found out.

"...How about you? What’s all this stuff you bought?" In-Ah asked, turning her head to my bags after looking away from me for a while.

"It’s all food."

"All of this? It\'s all for eating?"

"It’ll be gone quickly."

I tend to eat a lot, but I needed to buy at least this much if I wanted to take care of Yoon-Ah. In-Ah looked slightly puzzled, then shifted her gaze to the bags and extended her hand.

"Give me one." She offered one to hold one of the bags.

"It’s going to be heavy."

"It\'s okay. I can handle it."

"If you can\'t, give it back."

I willingly handed her the bag. In-Ah grumbled, struggling to keep the bag above the ground, and let the grocery bag down after five seconds. She seemed to want to try carrying it again, but she couldn\'t because she lacked strength. The bag seemed to be glued to the ground.

"I told you it was heavy."

"I-I can carry it. It\'s not heavy."

"Just give it to me."

I lifted both bags again, one in each hand. They were still heavy, but it was manageable. We walked in silence for a long time. The dim light from the street lamp seemed to form a thin barrier between us and silence hung in the air.

"Did you visit the Paladin Order?"

Once again, I was the one who spoke first. The bag in my hands was heavy, and the air was thick, making it difficult to breathe. Everything around me felt heavy and seemed too sticky to me. It felt heavier when I kept my mouth shut, so I wanted to say something, anything.

Looking at In-Ah’s eyes slowly losing focus, with her head dropped down, was when I realized that I had screwed up. Even though I regretted what I had said, it was not like I could take back my words.

"I went, but my sister wasn\'t there... I wish I hadn\'t had hope in the first place."

"I\'m sorry."

Her eyes lit up with surprise at my sudden apology. She took off her mask and put it in her pocket. Then she smiled. It was a weak smile, but it wasn’t bitter.

"Why are you sorry? I was the one that got too ahead of myself."

"Still."

"It\'s fine. Why do you beat yourself too much on it? Friendships can have hiccups.” In-Ah awkwardly smiled and spoke.

It seemed like she hadn’t smiled in a long time and couldn\'t raise the corners of her mouth as easily as before. I quietly gazed at her face. The phrase, "Friendships can have hiccups," sounded strange to my ears.

"Friendships?"

"Yeah, friends. ...Why? What are we if not friends?”

In-Ah spoke irritably as if she were annoyed, but she wasn’t. It was another one of her habits that came out when she was trying to hide something, or when things got awkward. I silently stared at In-Ah.

My heart fluttered. I heard the sound of the bells and the rattling of bars, and Yoon-Ah\'s screaming face flickered in my mind. A stickier, grimier feeling than guilt slowly engulfed my body. It felt like it was choking me.

Whenever I stood in front of her, my heart would ache with indescribable emotions. I felt like a criminal standing in front of a prosecutor. In-Ah was the judge, and I was the criminal. It was too deformed of a relationship to label as a friendship.

"We must be friends.”

"Yeah! ...Not must be, but we are."

"Alright, I got it, I got it."

I tried to baby In-Ah, who was staring daggers at me. Once again, silence hung in the air, but the atmosphere wasn’t awkward. There were different kinds of silences, and among them, natural silences existed.

In-Ah\'s house came into view from a distance. The house always looked nice. Although it was small, it had a whole front yard, and it had a whole second floor. I wondered how much a house like that would cost.

"You’ll find your sister soon," I said, looking at her house.

In-Ah looked at me with confusion, then lowered her head as if she had given up. She had been lowering her head frequently today to the point that it looked like her neck was struggling to muster the strength to keep her head upright.

"...What if she’s dead?" she mumbled in a small voice. "It\'s been six months already, I’ve had no contact, and there has been no progress in the investigation... She must be dead. How dumb of me to wait—"

"She\'s alive."

"Huh?"

"She\'ll be found soon."

I said \'soon,\' but I didn\'t know exactly when. Someday, without fail, In-Ah would meet Yoon-Ah. I would make sure of it. I would do anything to make it happen. I just hoped that In-Ah\'s heart would hang in there before that time came.

"Thanks."

She smiled. It was still a weak, feeble smile, but at least it wasn’t a sad smile.

I raised my head. The house that seemed far away just a moment ago was already right before us.

Before she entered her house, I asked, "Will you come tomorrow?"

"Ah, school? Um..." In-Ah pretended to stroke her chin and acted as if she was contemplating. "I have to go. I need to catch up on all the material I’ve missed in the last three days."

"Then, see you tomorrow. Go in, have some food, and rest."

"Hey, I’m not a kid you know? Why are you treating—"

Creak.

The sound of bars rattling.

A chill ran down my spine, sending a shiver all the way from the base of my neck to the apex of my head. My whole body felt like it was covered in goosebumps. My heart sank, making a dry sound. My peripheries started darkening so I leaned forward and caught my breath. I regained composure and lifted my head.

"Hey, why are you acting like that?"

To my surprise, In-Ah had fallen to the ground. It seemed like she had tripped on the doorstep.

"Get up. Don\'t just keep lying there," I said, giving her a hand.

Once again, it seemed like she was too embarrassed to get up. However, she didn’t answer. I inched closer and checked her condition. She seemed to be breathing, but she was unconscious.

“Don’t play games with me, In-Ah. Hey! HEY!” I shouted but got no response. This time, she had actually fainted.