BXBX NOVEL Chapter 37
Chapter 37: Chapter 37
I was afraid that I would be abandoned by precious people if I told the truth. I couldn’t shake off the harrowing memories of being used by the god that I believed and relied on, and that I was deserted by the one I loved from the bottom of my heart. So I just bit my lip hard.
“Could you tell me why you are so scared and how I can help you?”
“… ”
“Trust me, Tia. I’ll take some of your burden off your chest. Tell me what you are so afraid of. ”
‘Don’t you want to get the burden off your chest?’ The second voice began to whisper again.
‘I know you have been keeping your worries inside without talking to anybody. Have you already forgotten your vow that you want to live with people around you? If you don’t tell him, you are going to get stuck where you are for the rest of your life.’
I replied to the second voice with my eyes closed. ‘Yes, you are right. I’m scared. But if I keep hiding like this, I won’t be able to escape forever. I hate to live like that. I don’t want to be trapped in that memory and let it torment my whole life.’
I took a big breath. Putting my hands on my heart that was beating so fast, I opened my mouth,
“… Well, I had a dream. It was a very long dream.”
“Dream?”
I trembled when I looked at Allendis tilting his head. I barely plucked up the courage to tell him, but I became weak again, so clenching my fists, I opened my mouth, “Yes. I loved someone a lot in my dream, but I was distressed because of that love. I was lonely, my heart was broken, and I was very hopeless.”
When I saw his expressionless look, I was scared, but I couldn’t tell him the whole truth. I came back to ten from seventeen, but everything around was real. Who could believe this kind of nonsense? This was a matter of common sense before faith.
“Now, I am completely awake from that dream, but I can’t erase my memories and feelings from that dream.”
“… ”
“So I wanted to get out of that dream by all means. I didn’t want to repeat that pain. But… ”
My miserable times came to my mind, let alone the painful memories that were never easily forgotten, though they were not as vivid as before.
“I really want to shake it off, but I can’t. I thought I found out the way, but I am running out of time. I just don’t know what to do and how to escape. I really don’t know. ”
I grabbed the bedsheet with a trembling hand. I was breathing too fast, gasping for breath.
I desperately blinked my eyes to clear my blurry vision. Allendis, who was listening to me without saying anything, slowly contorted his face.
A sense of anxiety gradually began to seize me. I tightened my grip on the bed sheet.
“I see. You must have had a nightmare. Don’t worry too much. A dream is just a dream. It can never be a reality.”
“Allen.”
“By the way, Tia. I’m a little sad. ”
Tears came from my eyes the moment he soothed me kindly, but very briefly.
“I don’t know why you are telling me about your dream. You know that’s not what I asked you. Why are you trying to beat around the bush, Tia? Are you afraid I will do something bad to you if you tell me the truth?”
I freaked out when he said that. Looking at his hollow eyes, suddenly I came to realize one thing. Yeah, it was not me alone who didn’t trust the other person.
“…Allen, you are asking me to open my heart to you, telling me I should trust you, but it seems you are not trusting me.”
“Tia?”
“In the first place, you didn’t think I would open my heart to you, right?”
Although my memories faded as time passed by, I didn’t forget how hopeless I was when I was abandoned by the god that I relied on and how frustrated I was when I was betrayed by him that I trusted. And now I saw my trust in Allendis was being shattered in front of my eyes.
“I trusted you. If you can’t trust me, I have nothing more to tell you.”
“… Tia. ”
“I wish you hadn’t asked me anything. If so, at least I wouldn’t have noticed that you didn’t trust me.”
“Don’t be mean to me, Tia. please.”
Only now did I finally decide to turn over a new leaf in my life. I decided that even if I couldn’t change quickly, I thought about opening my heart little by little.
“Sorry, Tia. Please don’t. It’s my fault. I’m all wrong. Please don’t shut me out. ”
I was so disappointed in him.
“I will never ask you again. I won’t ask you to tell me about it. I was all wrong. So please don’t desert me. Please!”
As I trusted him, I showed him my hurt feelings, but he didn’t understand.
I really couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Can you leave now, Allendis?”
“Tia!”
I pulled my hand from him and covered my ears with both hands. I turned away from him.
I didn’t want to see him anymore. When I found he betrayed my trust in him, no matter how little it was, I didn’t want to see him.
“Lina!”
She came in a hurry to my sharp shouting, which was almost close to screaming. She was standing before me, at a loss what to do. Allendis dropped his head after begging me to forgive him. I never looked back at him until he left the room with heavy footsteps.
“Where’s my sapphire pin?”
“Bring me one of a little lighter color. Yes, that one. ”
“My lady, would you like to raise your head slightly?”
I turned my eyes away from the messy stuff in the room and looked in the air. As the crown prince’s fiancée, I had to enter with him at the ceremony today, so all the housemaids of my house were eager to get me dolled up as best they could. Of course, I wasn’t interested at all.
I was afraid of the arrival of today’s ceremony until yesterday, but I wasn’t scared anymore.
Perhaps, it’s because I felt empty.
I wouldn’t care even if things went wrong. Now that I lost track of my father and Allendis betrayed my trust, my mind was blank.
Looking at me not complaining at all even when they tightened the corset around my waist and put on a pannier to make my skirt look abundant, the maids whispered among themselves, but I didn’t care. I just moved my body as they led me. Even after I examined my outfit for the last time, I felt like I was floating in my dreams until I got in the carriage.
“Are you okay, lady? You do look pale.”
When Sir Seymour spoke with a worried look and when I got out of the wagon with the royal knight’s help with people around me whispering about me, I didn’t care because I felt empty.
“I, Aristia La Monique, am honored to greet you, the Little Sun of the empire.”
“You… okay, let’s go.”
Even though the man who greeted me politely was my partner, I felt h e was acting strange. I didn’t like his dreamlike voice. He frowned when he replied to my greeting with an expressionless look.
He tried to say something, and reached out, shaking his head. I put my hand lightly on his cold hand and left the waiting room.
When I entered the banquet hall, I stood in front of the entrance and checked my dress briefly. Since he was engaged to me, he and I were dressed as a pair. He wore a gracefully shining white robe, while I wore a light blue dress decorated with a white ribbon.
When I adjusted the ribbon and straightened up, he gestured to me lightly.
After clearing his throat, the chief attendant shouted loudly.
“The Little Sun of the empire, Prince Rublis Kamaludin Shana Castina and the Moon of the Future, Aristia La Monique, are entering the hall!”
The door slowly opened. I smiled consciously with my back straight. Slowly moving, I saw nobles bowing to show their manners to the next emperor. As I walked along the red carpet, I stopped in front of the platform and bowed to His Majesty sitting on the throne.
“I’m honored to see you, Your Majesty.”
“I’m honored to see the emperor, the Sun of the empire.”
“Come on, Crown Prince. Welcome, Aristia. Raise your heads. ”