Chapter 112: Still a piece of humanity
However, today when I asked her to drink the Choun tea, her reaction was far stronger than I expected. Normally, Roxanne, who never opposed me and did everything she could to make me feel good, had changed.
"Why don't you understand, Roxy? Do you want to be pregnant at the Academy? You must realize how problematic it would be for a student to get pregnant there," I said to Roxanne, who sat across from me with a sullen face.
"I don't care! I don't want to drink that tea," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Roxy, listen to me. If you get pregnant, you'll be vulnerable, and my enemies will want to target you. Even if we assume you give birth to the child, our child will always be in danger. I promise, once I ascend the throne and stabilize the kingdom, we'll have as many children as you want, but for now, you need to drink this tea," I said, offering the tea to Roxanne.
"What, so you want to kill our baby? Even if we have many children later, why do I have to kill this one? As you said, there will be many obstacles if I don't drink this tea, but I don't care. We can protect our child together," she said, crossing her arms again.
I stood up, opened the door, and said, "I'm going to step outside for some fresh air." I got off the carriage and looked at the camp area. The vast, endless steppes were a rather pleasant sight. After taking a deep breath, I sat under a tree to rest.
I understood Roxanne. After all, she'd be happy to have a child from the man she loves, and if someone tried to harm the baby in her belly, of course, she'd be angry... But I'm tired of this. I'm tired of me or people constantly making mistakes that affect my life. I've made many mistakes myself, but most of them were because I didn't consider the minimal effects.
Most of the time, the difficulties in my life were fate attacking me at the most unexpected moments. But now, I need to control fate. At some point, even if I have to harm the woman I love mentally or physically, I must do what needs to be done. To wield power or to achieve a greater good, I have to risk a small evil.
But at least for Roxanne... For once, I will silence my dark side. I'll show kindness for the last time. This is only for you, Roxanne. When I enter the Dragon Academy, Ethan, as you know, he will no longer exist. There will only be me chasing power.
But for now, I'll show mercy to Roxanne. Just this once.
After resting for half an hour, I got up and returned to the carriage. Once inside, I saw Roxanne still angrily staring out the window. I sat across from her. Soon, the carriage started moving, and the journey continued from where we left off. We were now close to the center of the South, and at least we had completed more than half of the journey.
The mountainous areas and forests of the southern geography made the journey a bit longer than expected, but fortunately, we hadn't encountered any significant issues so far, which was quite interesting.
Normally, even in the Tamerid Empire, the roads weren't this safe. This was probably due to Alpshar's influence. The more I think about him, the more I can't help but admire him. Making the roads this secure shows that he is actually a very clever person.
As a historian in my former life, he reminds me of one of the greatest military geniuses who ever lived and who conquered nearly half of the known world. In my old world, he was called Genghis Khan, or by his real name, Temujin. Similarly, Genghis Khan had been particularly meticulous about the safety of trade routes.
But now is not the time for a history lesson. What's important now is convincing Roxanne. Lately, I've started calling her Roxy. The name developed naturally, and it's easier to say, so I call her Roxy. But Roxanne has long gotten used to hearing this shortened name from me, and she even likes it. That's why we'll play a small but effective psychological game here.
Instead of constantly calling her Roxy, today I will address her by her full name. From the start, calling her by her full name will catch her attention, and at some point, her subconscious will dislike this new way of addressing her. In turn, her primal mind will question whether she's done something wrong, even if she's right or wrong, making her feel bad.
Yes, this is a very effective technique, and although I feel a bit bad for deliberately using it on Roxanne, it's for a greater good.
"Roxanne," I called out seriously, and Roxanne immediately turned her head from the window to look at me. "You will have your wish, Roxanne. If you don't want to drink the tea, then so be it. And if you do become pregnant, I'll do everything in my power to protect you and the child," I said, causing a wide smile to appear on Roxanne's face.
But I'm sorry, Roxanne, I need to cut that smile short. There are many ways to make someone feel more emotionally affected or, at the very least, more disappointed. But now I need to use one of them to make Roxanne feel a greater sense of guilt in this situation. That's why I need to first give her hope and then crush that hope in the most painful way possible.
A person who experiences such a disappointment tends to blame themselves for causing the situation. I'm sorry, Roxanne, but I know you well. If I don't do this, I know you'll want to have that baby. So, as painful as this may be, I believe it's actually an act of mercy. It's creating a small problem to prevent a much bigger one.
"But Roxanne, we won't be together anymore. You won't be by my side in any way. Of course, I'll do everything I can for our child, but don't expect more from me. Now, if you don't want to drink the tea, so be it. If you want to have a child, so be it. But know that you won't be with me anymore."
The smile on Roxanne's face froze in an instant. The shock and heartbreak in her eyes were clear. She seemed to be struggling to believe my words. At first, she couldn't say anything, just taking a deep breath, and then she slowly asked,
"What... what do you mean? We won't be together? Are you leaving me?"
Her voice cracked toward the end of her sentence. This, as I predicted, had caught her completely off guard. From her expression, I could see that my words had deeply shaken her. Just as I wanted...
Yes, this is exactly what I wanted. By catching her mentally unprepared for this situation, I was going to make her vulnerable. When a person experiences such a big shock, it's hard for them to make rational decisions, but at least they'll better understand which is the better option. This was the best way to get Roxanne to drink the tea.
"Yes, Roxanne. Now you need to make a decision. Me or the child in your belly, which you're not even sure exists?"
Roxanne was silent for a moment, her eyes widening, and her brows furrowed slightly. She was shocked, but at the same time, she was battling mixed emotions. Her breathing quickened, as if she were trying to control a storm brewing inside her. Gathering what remained of her strength, she answered in a firm voice,
"Is it really that simple? Is the only decision I need to make just this? Ethan, we're talking about our child. How fair is it to present it as some kind of threat?"
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By the end of her words, her voice began to tremble, and the determination in her eyes waned. But, as always, Roxanne was far more resolute than I had anticipated. Her determination was making things more complicated, both for me and for the situation.
"Roxanne, I'm a prince. And my greatest desire is power. If anything—anything at all—stands in the way of that desire for power, I want to remove that obstacle. Now, please don't make things harder for yourself. In any case, I'll protect you until the child is born, and once it's born, I'll be a father to it as much as possible, but don't expect more from me," I said.
I also now made a mental note to eventually establish a high-quality condom company in this world once things were settled.
Roxanne remained silent for a few seconds. The confusion in her eyes was suddenly replaced by deep sorrow. It was as if my words had deeply wounded her, but at the same time, she had understood something. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest and lowered her gaze to the floor. There was a hint of hurt and reproach in her voice.
Seeing her so vulnerable, so fragile, confirmed that my plan was working. Yet, a slight pang of guilt began to stir inside me. Roxanne had always been by my side, and being so ruthless toward her created a void within me, but I kept telling myself it was necessary, over and over again.
Roxanne straightened up and reached for the tea I had just prepared. She held the cup with trembling hands and drank it all in one go. Then she placed the cup back down and looked at me.
"Thank you, Roxy," I said simply.
At those words, Roxanne rushed forward and hugged me. And then, when I felt a wetness on my chest, she was already crying loudly. As her tears streamed down my chest, I silently stroked her back. At that moment, the weight of everything hit me, too. There was an unease in my heart, but I was trying to suppress it. Power had to come before everything else.
There was no room for emotions for a prince like me. Yet still, her sobs were affecting me more than I had anticipated. At the very least, it felt good to know that there was still a piece of humanity left somewhere inside me.
"Everything will be okay, Roxy," I said softly. "I promise, when the time comes, we'll have as many children as you want," I added.
"Promise?" she asked, looking at me with her tear-filled eyes. And I have to admit, her red nose looked so cute that I wanted to bite it.
"I promise," I said, raising one hand.
"What if I say I want dozens of children?" she asked, wiping her tears with her arms.
"If you want, we'll have hundreds," I said. With those words, Roxanne calmed down a bit and hugged me again. As I caressed her head or back, I kissed the top of her head. But suddenly, when I heard a tapping sound on the window, I turned my head and opened it. One of the mercenaries I had hired stood there, looking somewhat anxious.
"Sir, there are people here claiming to be messengers of the great emperor Alpshar of the South."