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'I'm crazy. What am I even thinking? But I still want you- all of you.'

"I won't," she said. "But now, wear something. It's..."

"What's wrong? It's normal for a couple to be naked in front of each other," I said.

"Yeah, but... it's weird," she mumbled.

"Alright," I said. Unlike other times, I did not tease her. It would be precise to say that I could not bring myself to do so.

The thought of her finding out about my dark desire was scary. What if she got scared? I did not want her to be scared of me. I wanted her to be happy beside me. For some reason, I had been having a feeling that I had told her something last night that I was not meant to let her know. What if I told her something crazy?

What if she was pretending to be okay while she was scared?

At this moment, I wanted to read her mind. I needed to know what was going on inside her head. But I could not just ask her to take the necklace off when I was the one who told her to wear it all the time to respect her privacy.

And there was nothing I could do about my desire as well. Every moment, every minute, every second, she was always inside my head. It was like I could not live a single moment without thinking about her. It had been like this since the first time I met her. For some reason, I had always found myself dangerously attached to her. But since she came here, the situation got worse.

I did not want to let her out of my eyesight even for a moment, but so she would not find out about it, I pretended to be okay with her going places.

She must not feel the same way. She might like me, but there was no way she thought about me every single moment. My situation was not normal. Perhaps that was why I was more and more anxious about her finding out about it.

Whenever she left my side, I would feel like suffocating. And the worst thing was I was not even trying to get better. I just wanted to stay the same even if it hurt.

It had gotten to the point that even if she told me she did not want me anymore; I would still keep looking at her. It was as if there was no one who could replace her. And if she wanted to kill me, I would invite her in with open arms.

"Dem?"

"Huh?"

"You are squeezing me. I can't breathe," she said and I noticed just then that I was hugging her too tightly. I let go of her quickly. She touched the side of my cheek and rubbed her palm against it. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."

'I thought I could too, but I'm afraid I can't let you know about this.'

"Just thinking about something," I said.

"Something that you want?" she asked innocently.

"Yeah, something I want. Something I really want all to myself, something I can't let go," I muttered as I leaned against her palm.

"Don't worry, you'll have it all to yourself," she said as if she was sure of it. How could even she know that I was talking about her? "Don't worry anymore."

I chuckled. "My wife can take all my worries away," I mumbled.

'Yes, you really can take my worries away. Just be with me and everything will be alright. I want nothing more than you.'

"Now wear something. The maids will be here..."

She could not finish as there was a knock on the door. "They are here. Get dressed then," she said.

While getting dressed, I noticed that I had ripped her dress completely. There were even a lot of bruises on her skin. It was my fault to hurt her like that, but even then, she behaved as if nothing happened and it was just a usual night for us.

Was it because she was used to being hurt all the time? Or was it because she did not want me to feel guilty? But in any way, I did not like it. I wanted her to be honest with me. I knew her body was hurting even if she refused to admit it.

"I asked for only your personal maid. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I was worried that you've asked for more maids. But it's okay if it's her," she smiled.

"You don't feel comfortable around other maids? You know I can always change them," I said.

"No, no, there is no need," she shook her hands quickly. "I just... Well, Ruby is really trustworthy and she is nice to be with. I can talk freely with her."

"You can talk to her freely only?"

"Yeah, she is amazing," she said.

"Only her?"

"What do you mean? Don't tell me... Why are you even comparing yourself with her? You're my husband and she is my personal maid. I can't believe this. You're so childish," she laughed.

"... Yeah, yeah. You're so mean to me and now you're laughing," I mumbled.

"Are you seriously doing this? Ha, ha... You're too funny!" she laughed again.

The thought that I made her laugh made me feel strange. It happened every time she smiled at me or laughed or teased me. To be the reason for her laughter made me think that perhaps I had gotten her heart already. The way her eyes squinted when she laughed and her adorable wheezing made me smile.

'Hah, I really am lucky that I found you, ain't I?'

"Then I'll wait outside," I said.

"You can stay if you want to," she said, "unless you want to go out."

"It's not that. I just need some air. This room is suffocating," I said.

"Okay then. I'll come out as soon as I'm done," she smiled.

It was not the truth. It was not the room that was suffocating; rather it was my guilt that made me feel like this. I had never felt like this before. It was not like I had never hurt anyone. I had killed a lot of people like flies and on the battlefield, I never batted an eye before slashing through the enemies. But when it came to her, even if I hurt her just a bit, it was hard to forgive myself.

I kissed her on the forehead. It was hard for me to touch her. It was not like I did not want to. It was more like I was afraid that I might hurt my fragile wife. Her skin, as soft as cream and as white as snow- I did not want to see any scars on her beautiful skin.

"You're behaving strange, you know that?" she said.

"Am I?" I muttered.

"Hmm," she mumbled. "Don't worry about me. I'm not much hurt, you know. So, don't feel guilty at all."

"Get ready," I said.

"You're ignoring whatever I say about it," she said. "You know, you don't have to..."

"Stop it, Blue," I said coldly. "If you keep saying something like this, I don't want to listen anymore then. I don't like to listen to nonsense."

"... I'm sorry," she mumbled, looking down.

"Stop apologizing! I... I don't want to see you like this!" I yelled. "Just get ready. And don't say you're sorry one more time or that it's not my fault or it doesn't hurt. If you always behave like everything's alright, how will I find out?

I can't even read your mind now! No, don't tell me that you will take it off for me. Just tell me if you don't like something or you don't want something. And tell me if anyone hurt you including me. Don't just say that it's alright!"

I knew I was being too angry, but I could not help it. Why did she always have to apologize for something she had not done? Why did she always have to say she was okay? Was I still a stranger to her that she could not say what she truly felt?

"Get ready. I'll be outside," I said. "After returning to the castle, I will summon the doctor."

"There is no..."

"Shut up!"

She flinched. "You will have your body checked up by the doctor. And I don't want to hear you say no," I said.

"... Okay," she mumbled.

I sighed. I truly was getting too much angry. She looked like she was frightened. I did not want to yell at her like this. I could not bear it anymore. I left without looking back.