御书房文学网

Chapter 151

“Stop being dramatic and just do one more.”

I wasn’t being dramatic—I seriously felt like dying. Despite that, Jin-Seo continued to urge me on. She even smiled brightly. It seemed like she enjoyed watching me struggle. If I had known this would happen, I would have run away when she suggested exercising together...

The exercise session I ended up doing with Jin-Seo, whom I had coincidentally met, was better than expected. She had the knowledge of a professional trainer, so working out with her yielded much higher efficiency than working out alone. It was better than having a typical personal trainer.

The problem was the intensity of the workout. The intensity, from the weights to the number of repetitions, was just too much. It made me question whether what I had been doing before now could even be considered exercise.

“Can’t you hurry up and get into position? You only have to do one more.”

“I’m not being dramatic. I can’t breathe...”

“Really? Should I give you CPR?” she casually said with a smile on her face.

I saw the devil in her smile. Jin-Seo had no intention of lowering the intensity of the workout no matter what I said. I began to think that it would be better to just finish the workout quickly and then take a break.

I squeezed out every last drop of energy left in my poor soul as I followed Jin-Seo’s instructions. Eventually, the hellish exercise session came to an end.

"Good job."

When my body was completely exhausted, the workout finally ended. As I savored the sense of accomplishment of completing this hellish exercise routine and caught my breath, Jin-Seo said, "How long are you going to rest?"

"...Isn\'t it over?"

"Just one more round."

I thought it was a joke, but judging by the expression on her face, it didn\'t seem like a joke. There was not a single ounce of strength left in my body, but it would hurt my pride if I backed out now after coming this far.

The last exercise was the bench press. Contrary to my determination, fear rushed over me as soon as I lay down on the bench and looked at the barbell.

"I can\'t do bench presses."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like I’ll get crushed under the weights."

"Even if you get crushed under the weights, you won\'t die."

"Yeah, you\'re right..."

What she said was absolutely correct. It was such a light weight that I wouldn’t even feel pressured, let alone get injured if I got crushed under the weights.

I decided to steel my resolve. The exercise would be so remarkably difficult that I would feel like dying, but it was supposed to be challenging. Moreover, since Jin-Seo put so much effort into helping me, it would be disrespectful to do this half-heartedly.

I adjusted my posture and lifted the barbell.

"Here, I’ll add more weight."

"Urgh, hey...!"

At that moment, Jin-Seo placed her hand on the barbell. Startled by the sudden increase in weight, I lost my strength, and the barbell came crashing down on me. I tried to lift the barbell using momentum, but I couldn\'t muster any strength in my body anymore.

"...Don\'t just stand there and watch. Help me."

"Why? It looks good to me."

I tried asking for assistance, but Jin-Seo only mocked me. Should I use Bossou’s power? No, using Bossou\'s power for such a trivial matter would be an excessive waste. But staying pinned under the barbell like this was so embarrassing that I couldn’t stand it.

Getting crushed under a certain weight would not be embarrassing, but getting crushed under a particular weight would be embarrassing. Right now, it was the latter case.

I had no idea whether she knew how I felt right now, but Jin-Seo looked down at me with a smile as if she was enjoying herself.

"Should I help?"

“I’ll get my revenge, Jin-Seo...”

“What?”

Jin-Seo rested her hands on the barbell and looked down at me. The weight increased.

"Seems like you\'re not that desperate."

"...Sorry. Help me, please."

"Sure."

Jin-Seo finally nodded with satisfaction and lifted the barbell. I remained lying on the bench while taking deep breaths.

Jin-Seo sat down on the floor next to me, tilting her head and looking at me with a wide smile. It felt like this was my first time seeing her smile so brightly.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked.

I felt as if I had gotten pranked. Jin-Seo opened her eyes slightly and laughed as she said, "Because I like seeing you struggle."

"..."

I had no energy left to respond.

***

"I almost died..."

"You’re freaking out over just this much."

When the workout was over, it was early in the evening. On the way back, Jin-Seo stayed by my side like a magnet.

Her face was cold and expressionless. The laughter that appeared when she saw me struggling had disappeared. She looked at me with narrowed eyes and said, "Next time, we\'ll do more."

"Next time, I won\'t do it with you."

"Why? Today was good, wasn\'t it?"

Jin-Seo raised her head and looked at me. As she whispered in my ear, her voice echoed in my ears and rang in my head. I pushed her forehead away with the palm of my hand.

"Don\'t do that. It gives me chills."

"You don’t have to push me away."

"It\'s because you\'re getting too close."

Jin-Seo pouted and stuck out her tongue.

As we walked, we saw a convenience store. Thanks to it being an unmanned store, F.A. Mart was open even at a late hour. Jin-Seo dragged me there and picked out food that was good to eat after exercising. It was such a large amount that even if we ate for three days, we wouldn\'t be able to finish it all. Jin-Seo paid the bill. She paid for it as if it were obvious, leaving no room for me to intervene.

"It\'s too much."

"You just have to eat a lot. Eating is part of exercise as well," Jin-Seo said while she firmly stuffed food and drinks into my bag.

The slim bag quickly became plump. She nodded as if satisfied and then lightly tapped my bag. There was a rustling sound of the plastic bags inside the bag.

"Are you going to the dormitory?" she asked as we left the store.

"Yeah, it\'s almost time to check in."

"I\'ll walk you there."

"You don’t really have to?"

"It\'s been a while since we\'ve last seen each other. It\'s nice to spend more time together, right?" Jin-Seo said with a calm face.

I could sense a mixture of resignation and annoyance in her tone. It might have gone unnoticed if I had just listened casually, but from her tone and expression, I could tell she was angry with me right now.

The reason was obvious. Not only did I leave the hospital without saying a word, but I also didn\'t contact her during the school closure period. Thinking about it again, I had no reason to contact her. Technically, we didn\'t have any relationship at all. Our relationship was such that we knew each other\'s faces and names, and we occasionally had short conversations when we met and parted ways. Usually, people would call them acquaintances.

"I can go alone. It\'s right there anyway," I said as I pointed to the dormitory building in the distance with my chin.

"We can go together," she replied.

"I prefer going alone."

I refused her offer to accompany me. However, Jin-Seo didn\'t seem to hear me and continued following me.

"Why do you keep following me? I said I\'m fine."

"I’d feel more comfortable if we go together," she said.

"I feel uncomfortable. Don\'t follow me," I insisted.

"I feel uncomfortable if we go separately."

Jin-Seo was determined not to leave my side. I couldn\'t understand why she was going to such lengths to accompany me.

As I was sighing, I unintentionally muttered aloud, "If I tell you not to, just... don\'t."

Well, technically, it wasn\'t unintentional. I thought I would need to say it someday, so perhaps it was more accurate to say that I sighed while intentionally letting out my true feelings.

Eventually, I would meet my mother and stand at a crossroads. Would I risk starting another Holy War to save my mother, or would I settle for reality and live my life? The connections made at Florence Academy would have an impact, big or small, on that choice.

And Jin-Seo\'s presence would probably have a significant influence on that choice.

It was strange that someone other than me, especially someone from the Romanican Church and not the Voodoo Cult, would have such a great influence on my decisions. My choices had to be made solely based on my own will. For that reason, I wanted to draw a line. At least just a bit so she wouldn\'t be overly reliant on me and I wouldn\'t be bound to her. Above all, I didn’t want to become dependent on her.

"..."

Jin-Seo stopped in her tracks upon hearing my words. She looked at me with a blank expression. I also stopped walking and looked at her. Her pupils were dark and cold, and her gaze was sharp.

After silently staring into my eyes for a while, Jin-Seo lowered her head and said, "Yeah, you\'re right. I\'ve been too clingy."

Her voice sounded like a murmur, almost like a whisper. Her hair fluttered in the breeze. Jin-Seo looked up and coldly smiled at me.

"When will you disappear again?" she asked while staring at me with unfocused eyes.

It was difficult to understand what she meant.

"What are you talking about... why would I disappear?"

"You disappeared last time."

She approached me with firm steps.

"You disappeared without a word, and when I found you, you were dead," she said while grabbing my collar.

Her grip wasn\'t strong. If I tried, I could easily break free.

But I didn\'t. It was because as she grabbed my collar and looked up at me, I saw that her eyelids were red.

"And then, after being discharged, you didn\'t even contact me once?"

"I didn\'t have time to contact you."

"Don\'t make excuses. I didn’t ask for you to contact me every day. You could have at least let me know if you were dead or alive. You don\'t even have time to contact me once a week? What are you so busy with, exactly?"

Jin-Seo’s shoulders quivered as she said, "Do you know how I felt when you died... do you? You probably don\'t. You probably never even thought about it."

"I know."

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Jin-Seo crying. When I later saw the hospital bill, I realized that Jin-Seo had taken care of many things for me.

I nodded, and Jin-Seo hit my chest. It hurt a little.

She opened her trembling mouth and said, "You knew, but you still said something like that? You... trash."

"..."

"This isn\'t the first time you almost died. You’re always at the hospital, and the doctors keep talking about things that involve life and death...! And yet, do you really think I wouldn’t behave in an obsessive manner?”

I didn\'t know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. Jin-Seo took a deep breath and continued speaking.

"You’re saying not to do something when you say not to do it? What about you? I’ve told you so many times not to die, but you keep doing the things I tell you not to do. You, scumbag...!”

“Your words are harsh...”

"Those insults are nowhere near enough."

She let go of my collar. Then she straightened out my disheveled clothes. If she was going to do that, I had no idea why she grabbed my collar in the first place.

As a moment of silence enveloped us, I lifted my head and looked up into the sky. The full moon was alone in the pitch-black night sky. There was not a single star.

We quietly started walking again without exchanging any words. I looked at her side profile. Earlier, her eyebrows were raised steeply in anger, but now they were relaxed.

She lifted her gaze and glanced at me as if trying to gauge my reaction.

"...I\'m sorry for swearing."

Her voice was trembling. Unlike when she would swear at me and get angry, her tone and attitude were greatly subdued.

"You said that those insults were nowhere near enough earlier."

"That... was just something I said. No, it\'s not just something I said..."

Jin-Seo spoke in a rush and then suddenly stopped walking.

She lowered her head and pressed her palm against her forehead. Through her flowing hair, I could see her biting her lips. When I approached her, she turned her head. She was desperately trying to hide her expression.

"Are you crying?"

I tried to lower my head to see her face, but she didn\'t reveal her expression. When I changed the angle of my gaze, she also changed the angle of her palm to hide her expression. The intense battle between the boy who wanted to see her face and the girl who wanted to cover it continued.

The girl’s defenses eventually crumbled. The palm that covered her face disappeared, revealing her expression. Tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes as she stared at me.

"You’re crying?"

"Don\'t talk nonsense. I\'m not crying."

"I had a sneaking suspicion, but you really are crying."

"Ah, I\'m not crying..." Jin-Seo said as she narrowed her eyes and shot me a glare.

Her tears seemed to have stopped, but her eyes were still moist. It felt strange to see her glaring at me with red eyes. I didn’t feel guilt, but I felt an indescribable emotion welling up inside of me.

"Ah, why is this happening? Seriously."

"You cry every time I see you. It was the same last time, too."

She didn\'t respond to my words and continued to shed tears. It seemed like her tears weren’t going to stop.

I waited for her to stop crying. I didn’t have to wait that long before she quickly stopped crying. Instead, she began to glare at me with resentment in her eyes. The tears stopped, but her eyes were still red, so no matter how threatening she looked, I wasn\'t really intimidated.

"You\'re the one who made me cry."

"Is that a compliment?"

Jin-Seo glared at me. "...I\'m not usually like this."

"What are you usually like?"

"I usually don\'t cry. Or get obsessed... Anyway, I\'m not usually like this."

"But why are you like this now?"

"I don\'t know... Just shut up," Jin-Seo said and then punched my stomach.

It didn\'t hurt much, but I felt a strange sensation as if my breath was being blocked. Just like Jin-Seo wanted, I ended up shutting up.

There was no conversation exchanged as we walked back toward the dormitory building. She was currently sulking, so she didn’t respond to any of my words, and she didn’t even look at my face.

"I just thought of this now... But I think crying is better for you.”

When we had almost reached Area C of the dormitory. I tried to lighten the mood with a poorly executed joke.

“Is that why you made me cry? You really are a piece of trash..."

Her response was harsh. In the end, instead of easing the atmosphere, it only fueled her anger. She looked at me with narrowed eyes, then sighed deeply and chuckled as if she couldn\'t believe it.

"Just go inside quickly."

"I was going to do that anyway."

"Don\'t contact me in the future. I won\'t care whether you do or not."

"Is that so?"

"...You can do it occasionally. I\'ll reply depending on what you say," Jin-Seo said before leaving without looking back.

Well, she did look back once before leaving. I waved goodbye to her with a smile.

As I entered the dormitory, many thoughts came to mind. Was it really necessary to break off a relationship that had already been formed? Was it really necessary to take the risk? Was it actually okay to just settle for reality like this...? Such thoughts kept resurfacing in my mind.

I remembered the conversation I had previously had with my uncle.

He said that the Voodoo Cult should continue to maintain its legacy just like this. Occasionally, I would meet Ji-Ah, my uncle, some executives, and some of my friends from Florence Academy while leaving my still-alive mother in prison...

"Ah."

A cracking sound came from my jaw. It was due to me excessively grinding my teeth. My neck was so stiff that it hurt, and my mouth trembled as if it were paralyzed. When I touched my lips, I realized that I was not smiling. Instead, I had a strange expression on my face.

As I entered the dormitory, the dorm supervisor greeted me with a stern face.

"You\'re late. It\'s five past ten. You\'ll receive a penalty point. Go inside."

"Okay."

I was late.

I entered, took out the food Jin-Seo had given me, and tried tasting them all. I also drank some beverages. Although each one had a slightly different taste, the difference was not distinct. It was all the same. I ate enough to fill my stomach and put the rest in the refrigerator.

I studied until dawn. Following In-Ah\'s study method, I wrote down everything I knew on a blank sheet of paper. There was more white space than writing. No matter how hard I squeezed my brain, the white space didn\'t easily fill up.

Whenever I felt sleepy, I stabbed my hand with my pen. It didn\'t really help me wake up since it didn\'t hurt much. I had no idea what I truly desired. I had too many stray thoughts running through my mind. Tomorrow was the weekend, so it’d be good to just sleep in until the afternoon.

No, I should sleep a little since I had a lot to do. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep much anyway.

Anyway, I went to sleep for now.