御书房文学网

Chapter 149

Chang-Won was struggling along the borders of life and death for a few days.

A lot happened while he had been hospitalized and receiving treatment. There were times when he dozed off after he coughed so much that he wasn’t able to breathe, and moments when his vision went from pitch black to completely white, making him feel like he was traveling between heaven and hell.

Just when he thought he would die soon, Chang-Won\'s body started to recover. He consistently received treatment, and he focused on rehabilitation and recovery through exercise. Although the coughs didn\'t stop, he was able to recover enough to take a walk near the hospital on his own.

So, Chang-Won used the excuse of taking a walk to leave the hospital and secretly smoked, avoiding the watch of the nurses and doctors. He lit the cigarette, took a deep drag, and was overwhelmed by a dizzy sensation as the smoke roughly entered his throat. Although it was a mere drag, it felt like the pain caused by forced abstinence from smoking was completely washed away.

Before he could fully enjoy the lingering feeling of that first drag, an unwelcome visitor arrived.

"Mr. Chairman?"

At the person’s sudden appearance, Chang-Won quickly hid the cigarette. However, he immediately let out a relieved sigh and smiled as he identified the owner of the voice.

"Mr. Do-Jin. I thought you were a doctor and was terrified."

"...Do you have to smoke that much?"

"This is my last one, and I’m quitting after."

"I\'ve heard that five times already."

"That\'s just how smokers are, you know," Chang-Won said with a smile, stubbornly smoking the cigarette.

Do-Jin approached Chang-Won, limping toward him with his crutches.

"Is your body fully healed?"

"I\'ll have to use crutches for a few more months. Other than that, I\'m fully recovered."

"That\'s a relief. I was really worried about you because of your grave injuries. Would you like a smoke?"

Chang-Won offered a cigarette to Do-Jin. He shook his head.

"No, thank you." "

“Weren\'t you a smoker before, Do-Jin? You don\'t have to be cautious in front of me."

"I quit a while ago."

"You\'re quite the tenacious one, aren’t you," Chang-Won said.

He took out another cigarette and put it in his mouth.

Do-Jin frowned. "You should stop at one cigarette today. You’ll be harming your lungs if you continue."

“I can’t help it. I couldn\'t smoke for the past few months."

Do-Jin looked at Chang-Won in disbelief and sighed, "Ha..."

"Why don\'t you use this as an opportunity to quit?"

"I\'ve tried a few times. I failed all my attempts. Quitting smoking is not as easy as it seems..."

"It’s still achievable if you have support from the people around you. I quit that way, too." Do-Jin looked into the distance as if reminiscing about the past.

Chang-Won lit his cigarette and raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"Really? Who did you get help from?"

Tak!

Ye-Jin suddenly appeared and snatched the cigarette from Chang-Won\'s mouth. Then she threw it on the ground. Chang-Won looked at the slivers of smoke rising from the extinguished cigarette with a desolate expression.

Ye-Jin smiled innocently and said, "Me. Should I help Mr. Chairman as well?"

"Your methods are very rough..."

“Most people don’t think about quitting unless I do this."

Chang-Won felt a strange sense of unease as he looked at Ye-Jin\'s smiling face. Do-Jin also smiled.

"This is the better version. Back when I smoked a lot, she used to bring a fire extinguisher.”

"Aren’t the wet chemicals from the fire extinguisher worse for your body than cigarettes?"

"Oh, she didn\'t spray the fire extinguisher on me. She hit me on the head with it."

"..."

Chang-Won glanced at Ye-Jin for a moment. Just as she had been doing earlier, she was still smiling innocently.

Do-Jin looked at Ye-Jin.

"But why are you here?"

"Why am I here? You don’t want me here?"

"That\'s not what I meant... What I meant was, why did you come here alone without Bok-Dong?”

"Bok-Dong went to exercise. He said he\'ll come back stronger after training in seclusion, but I don\'t know what he’s thinking."

"Seclusion training? Is he crazy? Well, I guess it’s not that surprising since it’s Bok-Dong..."

Suddenly, Do-Jin remembered the taxidermied creature of Bok-Dong that he had killed during the incident and took a deep breath. The memory wasn’t disturbing enough to have developed into a trauma, but it wasn’t a memory he needed to recall. He took a few deep breaths, erasing the memory from his mind.

"...So, Ye-Jin, what brings you here?"

"I heard you\'re getting discharged soon. I came to ask how you\'re doing, and I had something to give to the chairman."

"To me? If you have something to say, say it now. I don\'t know when I\'ll be able to return to school."

"Yes, I understand. Please, give me a moment..."

Ye-Jin rummaged through her pocket and took out an envelope from her pocket.

Chang-Won accepted it in surprise. Suddenly, he had a bad feeling. He took out the paper from the envelope and unfolded it. It was a resignation letter. Ye-Jin held her hands together in front of her.

"I\'m thinking of retiring from teaching."

The smile vanished from her face.

***

There were two weeks until the exam, and nothing happened for the past few days. To put it negatively, it was boring, but looking at it positively, the days were peaceful. As always, I studied during class and went to the library to study after school.

"The practical exam will be scheduled a week after the written exam ends. Let\'s all prepare diligently, but there\'s no need to push ourselves to the point of compromising our health. Good luck, everyone~"

As usual, the morning started with homeroom. After announcing the exam schedule, Ye-Jin left the classroom with a brief word of encouragement. Somehow, as the days went by, Ye-Jin\'s expression became darker. The change was obvious to me, but the other kids seemed utterly oblivious.

"Is she thinking of retiring?"

I tried subtly asking In-Ah, but she just shrugged as if she hadn\'t noticed Ye-Jin\'s change.

"Retiring? Why would she?"

"Her expression is gloomy. And her tone is a bit strange."

Ye-Jin\'s tone carried a strange sense of resignation, and her eyes were empty and hollow. They had the hazy and vacant look typical of someone contemplating retirement. Above all, Ye-Jin had enough reasons to retire.

At the beginning of the semester, Sung-Hyun caused trouble and was expelled, which caused Oh Byung-Min to drop out. Jun-Hyuk was quite a good student from an academic standpoint, but he turned out to be a Satanist. Since all three of them were in the Class of Charity, it was only natural for Ye-Jin, as the homeroom teacher, to feel skeptical about life.

"Really? I\'m not sure... But I hope she doesn\'t retire. I like Ms. Ye-Jin."

"Me too."

I nodded in agreement. Ye-Jin was one of the best F.A. teachers. Additionally, it would be good for me as well if she stayed as our homeroom teacher. In-Ah pouted and stared at her book for a while, but it seemed like she couldn\'t concentrate, so she closed the book angrily and looked at me.

"Why are you looking at me like that? It\'s distracting," she said, glaring at me.

It seemed like it was my fault that she couldn\'t concentrate. I had planned to leave, but when it was time for me to go, I didn\'t want to.

"Can\'t I look at you?"

"What\'s so interesting about watching someone study?”

“I’m trying to see how hard you are going to study.”

"...Whether you look or not, do as you will," In-Ah said curtly and opened her book again.

The book looked like it could tear apart at any moment, and every corner of the pages was filled with notes. Not only did she write summaries of the main text, but she also had questions about the parts she didn\'t understand in the readings or related content.

Then, she suddenly closed the book and started scribbling something on a blank page. Blank page studying, was it? I wasn’t too sure. I\'d never studied like that before. No, to be precise, I\'d never properly studied for an exam until now.

I mentally noted what was unfolding, thinking it might be helpful. While I was doing so, In-Ah wrote “stupid” on a piece of paper. I turned to look at her. She was looking at me too.

"...Are you talking about me?"

"Yeah. Who else is there?" In-Ah said with a sly and warm smile.

At that moment, the self-study supervisor teacher came and told us to be quiet. It was only then that I finally returned to my seat and returned to studying. I tried studying with In-Ah’s method, but the blank page remained blank and unchanged.

It was harder than I thought. First of all, I was in a state where I hadn’t fully grasped the concepts, while In-Ah had mastered all the concepts and was trying to apply them. Of course, it didn\'t work out. It seemed better not to do unnecessary things and just stick to what I was doing.

While I was studying, Legba clicked his tongue.

[You\'re still just laying the foundation when you only have two weeks left.]

"..."

[How about you give up on this exam and aim for the next opportunity? Or why don’t you go all-in on the practical exam?]

F.A. put a fairly high emphasis on written exams. Going all-in on the practical exam was a risky gamble. I listened to Legba\'s words through one ear and out the other while I focused on studying.

[As long as the results are good, you don’t care if it’s dangerous. Isn\'t that what you said last time?] Legba added bluntly.

He was clearly mocking me. It seemed like he was still holding onto the fact that I hadn’t listened to him when I talked to Joseph on the phone. What a narrow-minded old man.

***

There was one week left before the exam.

I decided to put a hold on practicing spells and experimenting, which I usually did until the exams were over. I didn\'t have enough stamina or time to do both spell practice and exam preparation. I could practice spells anytime after the exam, so for the time being, I decided to concentrate on studying.

Over the past week, I studied really hard. I spent more than ten hours studying daily, and on days when studying felt like it was going well, I even pulled all-nighters. It was a triumphant achievement driven by the single-minded desire to defeat Ha-Yeon. More accurately, it wasn\'t that I wanted to win, but I had to win. There was a bet at stake.

Thus, I spent the day studying hard.

"...What?"

I dozed off at my desk while studying, and when I woke up, it was morning. I could hear the sound of birds, and my head felt unusually clear. The breeze coming in through the window was refreshing, and my body felt light. Suddenly, a foreboding feeling surged up. I looked at the clock. It was already eleven.

[Oh no... You’re in big trouble.]

"W-why didn\'t you wake me up?"

[It\'s not that I didn\'t wake you up, but you wouldn’t get up. That\'s why I told you not to stay up all night, you fool.]

Although Legba\'s words slightly hurt my feelings, now was not the time to argue with him. I quickly washed up, changed my clothes, and checked my phone. I had a scary amount of missed calls on my phone: eight from Ye-Jin, three from In-Ah, and one from an unknown number. In total, there were twelve missed calls.

Unfortunately, the broadcasting system in the dorms of Area C was broken, so there were no wake-up announcements, and I ended up getting to class very late. As soon as I arrived at school, I went to the teacher\'s office.

Ye-Jin greeted me with a stern face.

“At this point, you’re just doing whatever you want, right?”

I silently lowered my head.

Ye-Jin sighed. "Do you know how many demerits you have?"

"One point? Oh, now it\'s two points. Yes."

"You know this is not something to laugh off, right? According to the regulations, you’ll be expelled if you accumulate ten demerits."

"Don\'t they usually deduct demerits through volunteer activities or something before you get expelled?"

"...Anyway, don\'t be late next time. I’ll let your tardiness slide today without giving you any demerits."

"Really? You can do that?" I asked, puzzled and taken aback.

Ye-Jin nodded as if it wasn’t anything special.

"You were probably studying late and slept in, right?"

"That\'s true, but... Yes, you\'re right."

"Everyone these days studies and stays up very late and ends up coming late to class. And..."

Ye-Jin paused for a moment and let out a deep sigh. Then, with a smile pulling at the corners of her lips, she continued, "You must have been hurt a lot last time, so your stamina must have dropped a lot, right? Studying for exams is good, but think of your body and take it easy."

"Aha, I see... Alright."

"I\'m letting it slide as a reminder not to be late in the future. Got it? If you\'re late again, I won\'t let it slide."

"Yes."

"Don\'t just answer well. Go up quickly and study."

I bowed my head to Ye-Jin before heading up to the classroom. That\'s when Ye-Jin called me over. Suddenly, she told me to sit down, so I obliged and sat down in front of her. She looked at me with a serious face.

"...You don’t feel too tired or want to die, right?"

“Why are you asking all of a sudden?"

"It’s not all of a sudden... Well, if that’s not the case, then forget it. But if you ever feel exhausted, let me know. I have ways to help you," Ye-Jin said, staring sharply into my eyes.

Her gaze seemed to search for insight into my mood and emotions. Perhaps she asked such a question because I had been close with Jun-Hyuk. He had gone missing, no, died from the previous incident. I hesitated for a moment before observing Ye-Jin\'s expression. Just as I had felt a few days ago, there was a sense of resignation in her gaze. I could also sense a strangely melancholic undertone in her expression.

"You seemed to be more tired than me, Teacher."

When I said that, Ye-Jin\'s eyes widened. I could see the look of surprise apparent behind her eyes. She was also the type whose emotions were easy to deduce from her expression.

Ye-Jin looked at me with a surprised face for a while. Then she smirked and said, "Tired? Me? Why would you say that? Go and study."

"I asked because your expression hasn\'t been too good lately."

"You should analyze the questions you’re getting wrong instead of analyzing other people\'s expressions. Stop doing weird things instead of studying."

"I do study too, you know?"

"See, you’re talking back at me again. If you keep doing this, I might have to give you a demerit," Ye-Jin said with a smile.

I laughed along, bowed slightly, and left the teacher\'s office. Judging from her tone and expression, Ye-Jin seemed to be considering leaving the school. She might transfer to another school or even give up on teaching altogether. Whether she retired or not was none of my business. There was no need for me to feel upset or sorry about it. To me, F.A. was a checkpoint to become a prelate, nothing more.

Just as Legba once said, no one here could truly be my friend.

I tried to think that way, but it seemed impossible to erase the feeling of disappointment. Whenever my mind was overwhelmed with various things, Ye-Jin constantly tried to talk to and help me. When my room burned down, she even introduced me to the welfare system on campus, such as the dormitory and scholarships.

Looking past her religion, she was clearly a good person. But I wasn\'t tolerant enough to separate religion from the person. Nor was I in the position to.

My mind was a tangled mess.