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Feeling wronged after the fact, wanting to throw a tantrum like I’m a child who isn’t even ten yet?

I really am a gutless, despicable woman.

No. To be more precise, I’m a freak that’s neither male or female.

Anyways, I actually didn’t anticipate that Jinzi had wounded Shao Qing. That he was capable of taking me back from the Shao Residence is already amazing.

As I was lying in bed these past few days, I was concerned about Shao Qing’s reaction at every waking moment. Will he break it off with me? Will he kill Jinzi? If I really wanted to break things up with him, what could I even do? He has a massive military in his grasp, I can’t fight him. Will I have to take Jinzi and go far, far away? Would we have to go east and hide in Tibet to avoid being chased and killed?

I don’t let myself think too deeply about these things, but they’re like stones constantly pressing down on my heart. I don’t dare to ask Jinzi, yet I don’t have to courage to go find Shao Qing.

But if things have already gotten to such a critical point, then I have no choice but to personally step in and negotiate with Shao Qing. I want to protect Jinzi, in both his life and his heart. That’s how it’s been since the beginning.

Really, although that thing happened, I don’t hate Shao Qing. While the greater part of my feelings towards him have been fears of consequences, there is a still a bit of… admiration. If I wasn’t Zhang Qinglian, I probably could’ve become friends with him. There’s quite a few things about him that are faintly familiar, giving me a faraway sense of déjà vu.

Since I’ve made up my mind, I send Young Mistress Xue on her way and go to the Shao home. To my suprise, Shao Qing had actually gone to the large encampment in the outskirts of the capital to deal with something. Counting the days, it was five days ago, exactly when I had gone to bed. I had misgivings sprouting up all over the place: What did Jinzi actually do? And did he say anything to Shao Qing? Why did Shao Qing go to the suburbs after getting injured?

I went back and thought it over. In the end, I couldn’t resist asking Jinzi. The outcome was that he unexpectedly put on airs with me, saying distantly, “You don’t need to know.”

The words are choked right out of my mouth by him, leaving me only able to stare wide-eyed. Would I be able to use my charms and act kittenish like I did when I woman? I have to take my image into consideration, though. Even if Zhang Qinglian acted like a little shou before, I’m afraid he wouldn’t have my feminine temperament. There’s probably a large amount of people that think that I’m getting more and more soft and feminine and so on.

It’s just that Jinzi has been acting increasingly like a big man in front of me ever since that day. If this continues on, who’s the head of this household going to be? I’m also getting unable to control him; we have a camaraderie, after all, and I don’t have the gall to use Jinfeng to threaten him.

I wasn’t able to dig anything out of Jinzi and Shao Qing isn’t coming back anytime soon. It seems as if the Court has regained its tranquility afterwards, but I’m certain that this is the quiet before the storm. I’m getting more fretful with each passing day, like a prisoner waiting to learn their sentence.

In a stand-off against Shao Qing, my strength doesn’t even compare. The key problem is that I don’t have an army, and politics rely on only two things: money and armies. I’ve always attached too much importance to the former, thinking that troops rely solely on a fat pile of cash, but now I know from using it that my own past experiences have misguided me.

Nevertheless, the Heavens didn’t give me an opportunity to foster any armed forces or seize military power.

Ah, but I’m too complacent and passive in the end. A person like me can probably only be a Tao Zhugong at best, unable to reach widescale power.

In regards to the present, getting a strong ally seems to be much more feasible, but where am I going to find one? The enemy of the Waiqi and Qingliu is me, not Shao Qing. He’s also formidable enough, exploiting this idiot Zhang Qinglian into being his pretense, obviously for his own benefit. Heroism is all he does, villainy is all Zhang Qinglian does, everyone spurns Zhang Qinglian, but people don’t spurn him even half the amount, the public’s opinion is charitable as such to him. His several hundreds of thousands of troops admittedly play a big part, but he’s a top-tier master to play the political scene to this extent. I can’t hold a candle to it.

The only one that can help me a little is Xue Yongfu, but what about his 8,000 Imperial Guards in Shao Qing’s aid? Jinzi and I might as well sweep up all our silver banknotes and flee to the other side of the world.

The only thing I want to know is; how much ambition does Shao Qing have? Does he want to seize the throne?

Poisoning? Assassination? I brainstorm ways to deal with Shao Qing.

The only thing I want to know is; how much ambition does Shao Qing have? Does he want to seize the throne? If he wants to bring harm to the little Emperor, I’m terrified that even if I’ve already packed my luggage, I won’t be able to bear leaving him behind in his life-or-death struggle.

My mind running a mile a minute like this, I’m frequently up thinking well into the night. After that, I’ll look at Jinzi’s peacefully sleeping face and mock myself: why are you talking about fleeing to the ends of the earth with Jinzi, when Jinzi would be the one chasing you to the ends of the earth to kill you?

Truthfully speaking, I really want to know what Jinzi’s thinking, but his thoughts have become progressively more unfathomable. Apart from knowing that he’s currently very interested in climbing on top of me at night, I’m completely unable to look through him. Naturally, this kind of request from him is one that I can’t promise. After going through that bloody lesson, I’ve refused to receive again, even giving him separate bedding and not having any close physical contact with him, so as to avoid him not taking it anymore one day and forcing me. I don’t have any means to defend myself right now.

As a result, Jinzi’s complexion is getting darker and darker.

Suffering outside aggressions and internal conflicts like this around the clock for days, my gloom gets to the point where I’ve started thinking about fooling around with the recipe for gunpowder, making some devastating weapons, and equipping those 8,000 Imperial Guards or my own secretly-recruited army with them, and when the city’s gates are shut, depend upon that advanced weaponry to mow down the enemy, everyone coming to partake in the siege.

But this is all destined to be a daydream. To say nothing of my disposition, flight suits me better than fight. I even though that, if worst comes to worst, I’d take the little Emperor with me on the run. Moneymaking is my forte, making use of new, modern-day technology, and accumulating power for him bit by bit. Then I’d just wait for him to turn eighteen, only then allowing him to act out Hamlet and return home for revenge and reclamation of his country.

Just as I reached the tipping point of an emotional outburst, Shao Qing finally came back for his 30th birthday.

Before his triumphant return, whenever he got a promotion in rank the Shao family would immediately throw a huge banquet with many guests. As Shao Qing’s birthday was just a few days later, it was then decided to celebrate them both at the same time.

The time spent planning and preparing for this double-celebration was long, the scale of which could be claimed to have no compare. The banquet will be held for a full three days, with all officials both civil and military, the Emperor’s family, and aristocracy on the invite list. The party itself doesn’t say say that there’s just a twelve-strong theatre troupe and extremely well-known outsiders that have also been invited, and all the aristocracy and chancellors they’ve personally raised up are also getting borrowed.

I of course wouldn’t dare to bring Jinzi along, but I’ll have to stay in the Shao home for one or two nights this time. Such a big scene is bound to have crooked fish mixed with the honest dragons and it can’t be guaranteed that no assassins will be sneaking in, so I not only bring along the Tian-Zhu duo, but I’ll even have Hong Feng serving at my side.

I’m not feeling assured before I go, repeatedly warning Jinzi about ten million times not to bust in and cause trouble again. He promised not to a little impatiently, as if my fretting was for nothing. Seeing him be so confident leaves me surprised. Though he’s young, he’s awfully reliable. Why was he so unperturbed right now?

The three streets around the Shao residence are stopped up full with carriages, palanquins, and horses, to the point were saying that it’s heavy traffic wouldn’t be a proper descriptor of its magnificence. This is the first time, since I’ve come to antiquity, that I’ve encountered a parking issue.

The ones from the Shao family that are helping entertain the guests are the eldest son Shao Min and several distant male relatives, all scurrying dizzyingly about. Shao Min caught sight of me and promptly smiled in greeting. “Second Brother has really been rushing about like mad today. He’d fallen ill a few days ago and still hurried over to the encampment to take care of things. Help me out a bit for just a little while, Qinglian, and don’t let him pour too much wine.”

I gave my word, letting Hong Feng pass over the gift list and write down what I had sent in the gift ledger. From what I can tell, the amount of gifts the Shao family received today could be used to open a curio and calligraphy store, and a jewelry store, and a fabric store, and a

. What I sent isn’t of the highest tier, but they are a three-chi tall branch of red coral from the South Sea and a paperweight.

And, of course, there’s unpresentable presents. For instance, my old pal Zhou Zizhu sent a scroll with a word he’d written himself, and Gu Yunzhi outdid him by sending a hundred Longevity Peach buns. [1]

Those Qingliu. Even if they’re actually pretty wealthy, they want to show people that they’re honest and non-colluding.

The housekeeper leads me to my arranged guest room. Fortunately, it’s very far away from Shao Qing’s residence, putting my heart at some ease.

It’s still a shichen before the feast begins. Taking advantage of the time Hong Feng took to straighten out my things, I go out to get familiar with the environment.

The Shao Residence is bigger than my own home, the layout of its rooms very majestic, but if we’re talking about outstanding opulence, it naturally can’t compare to my Residence. I walk along a stream, and a stick of incense later came to a relatively empty expanse of land with some plants and flowers. This is probably a back garden.

There’s a figure sitting by the water’s edge far away.

My heart misses a beat, immediately after which I tell myself that there’s no way that Shao Qing would be sitting around idly in an empty area like this. I sigh in relief, then feel a faint amount of disappointment. I’m likely a bit afraid of seeing him, but I’m hoping to see him early on and resolve things quickly.

Coming closer, I saw it was a fair-skinned young woman about twenty-five years old, dressed in gosling-yellow heavy clothing with only a simple pearl pin in her hair.

Now that the weather’s gotten warmer, lined garments have been switched out for unlined ones, yet the young woman is still dressed like this, yet again she’s taken off her shoes and is kicking her feet in the water. This is all a bit too much.

She played with the water, throwing leaves in it to mess with the fish swimming around. Her face was as pure and innocent as a child’s, but she suddenly sighed, seeming every bit unhappy. I can’t stop from feeling a little bad for her.

The woman turned her head to see me standing there and jumps up in alarm. Her face is very young and beautiful, and seeing it scrunched up in shock like a steamed bun is hilarious.

“Who… who are you?” She says with a trembling voice.

I think of how I’m now a man and keep a respectful distance from her, so as to be a responsible gentleman and not generate anything from a man and a woman being alone together.

From my faraway position, I do a greeting salute to her and say, “This lowly one is Zhang Qinglian.” In the meantime, I’m inwardly curious: she really doesn’t recognize me? Thanks to this body he was bestowed with, there aren’t many people in the country who wouldn’t be able to.

The woman lets out a sigh, patting her chest in relief. “Are you one of the guests that came today? You scared me half to death… don’t tell anyone else I’m playing the water here, or else my mother-in-law and sister-in-law will scold me.”

Mother-in-law? Sister-in-law?

I thought of a certain possibility. Looking at her with incredulous eyes, I say strangely, “Could… could you be the second master Shao’s wife?”

The woman jumps in even more alarm, and also literally jumps. “How do you know?” There’s a bang noise after that, as she’s lost her footing and fell into the mud. I quickly help her up.

She wailed as she looked at her muddied dress, looking utterly distressed. “Why am I always so stupid?” Tears start to fall down her face.

I stand there like a fool. I truly hadn’t anticipated that Shao Qing’s wife would be like this. Everyone had been very hush-hush about her before, and due to my relationship with Shao Qing, it was very inappropriate to ask him about her. I’ve only vaguely heard about her being of a wildly lower socioeconomic status and the Shao family regarded her as an insult to their reputation, and never let her show her face in public.

I saw that the more she cried, the worse it got. Not really knowing what to do, I have to fish out my handkerchief and give it to her. She took it and blew her nose loudly into it, making her nose red as she sobs out, “…Uuu, why am I so dumb? I don’t know anything, I just get lost in my own garden… hic, I’m no good at anything…”

How she looks while crying would certainly trigger a man’s desire to protect. Did Shao Qing originally have to marry her because of this? A wedding where statuses don’t align would have many obstacles, and it’s hard to imagine a young Shao Qing would do such a thing.

A muddle-headed, clumsy woman of ordinary birth, and a capable, handsome, and high-born man breaking through layers of worldly obstructions together… it’s just like all those romance novels.

I say, “How come you’re not with Minzhi? Today’s his birthday.”

Her sobs had already died down, but upon hearing this, the rims of her eyes went red again. She barely squeeze out a smile and said, “I’ll only get in the way and make Minzhi angry, and make people laugh at him.” Her smiling face is more unsightly than her crying one.

I’m unable to refrain from wanting to take pity on her. “Does Minzhi not treat you well?” I whisper.

She startles, quickly shaking her head, but her brows scrunch together. She says with reluctance, “No, no, he’s very good to me… but he’s been getting busier and busier, and doesn’t have the time to come see me…” Saying this, she again forced out a smile. “Because he has to go to war, even if he comes back, there’s many other things to do, so Minzhi really doesn’t have any time…”

Ah, yes, he has to go to war, and when he comes home he has to rush to go get into Zhang Qinglian’s bed. How could he make the time to go see his dear wife?

She got up and said, “I… I really have to go, I need to change my clothes before I’m found out… thank you, you’re a good person…” She returned the handkerchief that was drenched in snot to me.

Seeing her little gosling-yellow figure running farther and farther away with her skirts hiked up, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I throw away the handkerchief without further delay.

If this woman doesn’t even know if the person opposite her is a friend or an enemy of her husband, that’s really going to cause some problems for Shao Qing.

Here’s pretty good estimation of the sequel to their fairytale: after the wedding, the shrewd, importantly-positioned male lead starts to get fed up with forever cleaning up the messes of the half-conscious female lead, doing so once, twice, a hundred time, and a thousand times, until his deep and tender love is finally almost completely gone. He gradually becomes resentful: why can’t she ever understand what she’s hearing? Why does she not know to appreciate what he’s done? Why is she always humiliating herself, and therefore making troubles for him?

The original ditziness that had incited his affection had changed, day-by-day, into stupidity, and perhaps he was already regretting the impulsiveness of his youth; and she is getting more and more isolated and unsupported, more and more unable to do anything right, more and more flustered, more and more terrified…

I’m suddenly curious to know: who Shao Qing loves in the end, is it his wife, or is it Zhang Qinglian?

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“I don’t hate Shao Qing,” says Qinglian, while contemplating blowing up Shao Qing with bombs.

Also, Jinzi being so unworried about Shao Qing… Jinzi, did you stab him in the dick?

[1] If you don’t get it, he called him old. lol