BXBX NOVEL Chapter 570. Persuading (5)
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He expertly lit the cigarette with a lighter and slowly puffed away in silence. He then glanced at Park Yu-Min. “Aren\'t you going to take a taxi, too?”
“Nah. Seongsim\'s not too far from here, you know. I\'ll just walk home.”
“Still, wouldn\'t it be better to take a taxi?”
“Listen, Jin-Ho. This thing called money? It disappears the more you use it. Living like a total scrooge is uncool, but you should still know when to be more financially responsible.”
“...I don\'t think now\'s the time, though?”
“It\'s fine. Let\'s go for a walk, Jin-Ho. I wanted to talk to you about something, you see? Besides, I gotta sober up too, so a stroll might do us good.”
“Mm...” Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded.
He was also not a fan of riding in taxis. Even so, he still wanted Park Yu-Min to find a taxi since his friend would inevitably attract people\'s curious gazes while walking through crowded streets.
It wasn\'t done out of malice, of course. Kang Jin-Ho would\'ve destroyed any bastard daring to mock Park Yu-Min for his limp, but half of the gazes were done instinctively.
Those gazes were—mostly—from people finding someone different from them somewhat strange to behold. However, those gazes without malice sometimes were harder to endure. And Park Yu-Min had to live his entire life being subjected to such gazes. Kang Jin-Ho was well aware of what it felt like to live that way.
“Okay, let\'s go,” said Park Yu-Min.
It seemed he didn\'t particularly mind those gazes. Although, it was unknown whether he genuinely didn\'t mind them, or he was desperately hiding his real feelings.
Whatever the case might be, Kang Jin-Ho still believed Park Yu-Min was truly a remarkable, strong individual.
Park Yu-Min looked up at the dark sky. “The weather\'s getting a bit chillier, isn\'t it?”
“Mm... Autumn\'s coming, that\'s why.”
“I don\'t dare to walk around like this in the middle of summer, though. I\'m seriously weak against hot weather, you know? The greatest person in the history of mankind has to be the dude who invented the air conditioning.”
“Yeah, I agree.”
The two of them chatted about this and that while heading toward the orphanage. While walking along the familiar streets, Park Yu-Min suddenly recalled the past. “Hang on. That street over there.”
“Mm?” Kang Jin-Ho glanced at the alleyway.
“Whenever you gave me a ride on your bicycle, you took that street.”
“Oh, yeah. That\'s right,” Kang Jin-Ho chuckled softly.
Back then, Kang Jin-Ho\'s Golden Elephant acted as Park Yu-Min\'s feet. It would\'ve been quite taxing for Park Yu-Min to walk up the steep hill everyday, so Kang Jin-Ho used to give his friend a ride almost all the time.
“Now that I think about it, that\'s when I noticed you\'re a weird guy,” said Park Yu-Min.
“Mm?”
“It\'s already hard walking up that hill, yet you wanted to tackle it on your bicycle, of all things. How did you do it, anyway? With me as a passenger, no less?”
Kang Jin-Ho shrugged his shoulders. “Anyone with sturdy legs could\'ve done it.”
“I\'m pretty sure no one in the world will meet your standard of \'having sturdy legs\', Jin-Ho.”
“Maybe.”
Park Yu-Min raised his head and stared at the distant skies again. Kang Jin-Ho naturally followed his friend to look up as well. All they could see was the night sky so dark that some divine entity must\'ve splashed black paint all over the place. Such a gloomy, star-less night was looking back at them.
“Hey, Jin-Ho?”
“Yeah?”
“Would... Sister Yi say I\'m doing great if she sees me now?”
Kang Jin-Ho didn\'t reply right away and kept staring at the sky.
\'Sister Yi... The orphanage\'s director...\'
That name had become a little more distant in his memories these days. However, hearing it in moments like this would always bring back everything—what she said, her warm expressions, and most of all...
...Her hands.
Her frail, emaciated hands grasping Kang Jin-Ho\'s hand back then... The sensation of her skin was still burned deeply into Kang Jin-Ho\'s soul, even now!
“Yes, I\'m sure she would\'ve said you\'re doing great, Yu-Min.”
“You think so?”
“Yes.”
Even if Park Yu-Min had strayed down the wrong path, Sister Yi wouldn\'t have criticized him. No, she\'d gently reach out and guide him back to the light.
Unfortunately, Kang Jin-Ho couldn\'t emulate her. He couldn\'t become like her. A figure like Sister Yi, seemingly a personification of all mercy and benevolence existing in this world, was not someone the likes of Kang Jin-Ho could even hold a candle to. Even if he was reborn countless times, he\'d never be able to follow her example. Even so...
\'I don\'t need to copy her, though.\'
Kang Jin-Ho might not be able to emulate Sister Yi, but he could do so much more than her. Not in the ways of the heart, obviously, but through physical means. And with his head, too.
Of course, his preferred method would be slightly different from hers.
“What did Sister Yi want from you, anyway?” Kang Jin-Ho asked Park Yu-Min. “What kind of future did she want you to have?”
“Mm...” Park Yu-Min faltered and hesitated with his reply. Just thinking about Sister Yi was enough to trigger so many wonderful memories he shared with her, but... Finding an answer to that question was surprisingly difficult.
“And that\'s exactly it,” said Kang Jin-Ho.
Park Yu-Min tilted his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Sister Yi never asked you to become this or that, Yu-Min. What she wanted... was for you to live a good life. And that was enough for her.”
“...”
“Yes, she was that kind of person.”
“Right... Yeah, she was like that, wasn\'t she?” Park Yu-Min muttered quietly, his voice filled with memories and longing. him, Sister Yi was like his mother. How could he not miss someone as wonderful as her?
“Hey, Jin-Ho? I...”
“Mm?”
“There were times when being an orphan felt like a curse to me.”
“I see. I get why you\'d feel that way.”
“Funny thing is, though... Sometimes, I’m glad about being an orphan, you know? If I hadn\'t been an orphan, I wouldn\'t have joined Seongsim and would\'ve never met Sister Yi. And become a family with all the other kids, too.”
“Mm...” Kang Jin-Ho couldn\'t nod in agreement this time.
This didn\'t seem like something an outsider like him should agree or sympathize with. The only thing he could do for now was to listen.
“I can\'t boast about being a righteous man or some amazing success story, but... At the very least, I wouldn\'t have gotten to where I am if I wasn\'t an orphan. I probably would\'ve spent the rest of my life resenting my stupid leg.”
“You\'re not the type to do that.”
“No, Jin-Ho. I would have. Don\'t you remember how gloomy I was before I met you?”
“You were?”
“Hah. You and your selective memory syndrome...” Park Yu-Min helplessly chuckled.
He was a big fan of Kang Jin-Ho, although not simply because his life had changed for the better due to his friend\'s influence. Despite granting so much to Park Yu-Min, Kang Jin-Ho never made a big deal out of it.
Park Yu-Min sighed and sheepishly scratched his cheek. “I\'ve... received a lot from you and Sister Yi. And that makes me a little worried. Worried about meeting your and Sister Yi\'s expectations by becoming a success story... But failing like an idiot in the end.”
Kang Jin-Ho furrowed his brow a little and studied his friend.
“That\'s why I keep trying my best all the time. I really am trying. But... Sometimes, it kinda overwhelms me, you know?”
“What an idiot,” Kang Jin-Ho muttered with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “Sister Yi didn\'t want anything from you.”
“No, I know that. Even then...”
“Although, she did saddle you with something even more terrifying.”
“Eh?”
Kang Jin-Ho looked up at the skies again. “It\'s... Morals.”
“...?”
“And a sense of responsibility.”
Park Yu-Min\'s lips began twitching.
“Being a good person in other people\'s eyes isn\'t that hard,” said Kang Jin-Ho. “Maybe, it\'s even simpler than you think. All you have to do is just... endure some more. Be more patient. However, that\'s not quite enough, now is it? After all, you can\'t fool yourself with that.”
“Right.”
“In the end, the only person who can judge whether you\'ve lived a good life or not is you. And Sister Yi gave you the ability to judge that.”
Sister Yi was like a mirror. A perfectly straight mirror with not a single blemish or distortion.
Recalling memories about her inevitably forced Kang Jin-Ho into holding up a mirror to himself. He\'d start to wonder if his life so far had been good enough to keep his head up even in Sister Yi\'s presence.
This was easily the greatest gift she had given Kang Jin-Ho. And the greatest burden, too.
“That\'s why you should stop agonizing about what Sister Yi would think about you. You should focus more on what you think about yourself instead.”
“Right. Yeah, you\'re right, Jin-Ho. But... I think that\'s even more terrifying, if I\'m being honest.”
“Sure. But I never said I\'d resolve all of your worries and dilemmas, though?”
“And you call yourself my friend?”
“That I do. Your best and greatest friend,” Kang Jin-Ho harrumphed proudly.
“Heh…” Park Yu-Min chuckled softly, then looked up in front. “Wow. We\'re already here.”
“Mm...”
Even though they deliberately walked slower than usual, they had already reached the orphanage\'s gates.
Kang Jin-Ho slowly rubbed his chin. “Should I drop by and say hello?”
Park Yu-Min chuckled in dismay. “What are you talking about? Everyone\'s asleep by now, you know? Please come back during the daytime, dear customer.”
“Mm. I should do that.”
“Good. Anyway, I\'m going in. Later, Jin-Ho.”
“Yeah, later. Give me a call before moving into the team residence, okay?”
“I was going to call you before that, though?”
“Suit yourself,” Kang Jin-Ho casually shrugged his shoulders.
Park Yu-Min smiled brightly and waved his hand. Kang Jin-Ho waved back while watching his friend head toward the orphanage. And when Park Yu-Min\'s figure slipped inside the building, Kang Jin-Ho took out a fresh cigarette and mouthed it.
The unhealthy smoke rushed inside his lungs before slowly entering the atmosphere. As his senses picked up the smell of the cigarette burning away, Kang Jin-Ho raised his head and stared at the skies.
\'What would Sister Yi think about me now, huh...?\'
Maybe Kang Jin-Ho should\'ve been the one asking that question, not Park Yu-Min. After all, Park Yu-Min hadn\'t done anything wrong.
No, all he was guilty of was trying to live his life to the fullest. However, what about Kang Jin-Ho?
Wasn\'t he willingly waltzing into the flames of war? By insisting on sticking to his current path, death and bloodshed would always, always, accompany him wherever he goes.
Kang Jin-Ho\'s initial wish after returning to the modern era was to live an ordinary life. An ordinary life similar to everyone else\'s. To live as a person living in the modern world who didn\'t have to kill or be killed.
But now...?
“Am I doing the right thing, Sister?”
Kang Jin-Ho quietly closed his eyes. Yes, he knew that someone had to do it.
Even the modern era couldn\'t completely isolate itself from violence. Martial artists still existed everywhere. Knowing that truth meant Kang Jin-Ho would\'ve had no choice but to go through this experience sooner or later. Even so...
\'Right. I\'m different now.\'
It wouldn\'t be an exaggeration to say the current Kang Jin-Ho was a totally different person from the \'Kang Jin-Ho\' right after his return. Even if they looked the same on the surface, the contents had completely transformed by now. And that reality sometimes made Kang Jin-Ho hesitate.
\'Should I be proud of myself?\'
Kang Jin-Ho\'s situation was the total opposite of Park Yu-Min\'s. From his perspective, Kang Jin-Ho hadn\'t done anything wrong. It had always been other people invading his life, and he simply responded appropriately to protect the world he lived in.
He could ask himself this question thousands, nay, a million times and still respond with the same answer. That he was not in the wrong.
However... Would Kang Jin-Ho be able to say that in front of Sister Yi?
Could he proudly say he was not wrong after killing people to protect people? That he didn\'t regret anything while cutting people\'s heads off to protect his acquaintances?
Kang Jin-Ho thought that... No, it\'d be difficult to do so. He wouldn\'t even be able to look Sister Yi in the eyes. And he found this deeply ironic.
Kang Jin-Ho looked up at the skies again. He thought he briefly saw Sister Yi\'s visage on that inky-black canvas of the starless night.
“I... won\'t say I\'m sorry,” Kang Jin-Ho quietly muttered, his voice sounding bitter and hollow. “I\'m simply different, that\'s all. And I do not believe I\'m in the wrong, ma\'am.”
What would Sister Yi say after hearing that? Would she get angry? Or look back at Kang Jin-Ho in sorrow? Or...
Or smile warmly as usual and reach out to him again?
Kang Jin-Ho had no way of knowing. He couldn\'t know. Sister Yi always had been someone who... Who transcended Kang Jin-Ho\'s ability to comprehend, after all.
“I will honor your request, ma\'am. That request for me to become someone who knows how to reach out to people... Yes, I will honor it. I\'ll follow your example and work hard to lower the number of people going through difficult times.”
However...!
“You might say this is not the way, but this world requires someone willing to dirty their hands. Someone who doesn\'t care about staining themselves in blood. If others can\'t do it, then I will. That is why you... Please don\'t look at me with those eyes, ma\'am.”
Kang Jin-Ho eventually lowered his head. Sister Yi\'s eyes looking down from the heavens were too sorrowful for him to keep staring back.
“I will protect my world.”
Even if that meant some people would lose their lives... Even if countless souls would have to shed their blood because of him!
What would change at this stage, anyway? After all, Kang Jin-Ho had been an evil incarnate from the very beginning.
“It\'s just that...”
Kang Jin-Ho tossed the burnt cigarette butt on the ground, then stubbed it in silence. He couldn\'t bring himself to finish the rest of his sentence.
Kang Jin-Ho turned around and wordlessly walked toward the darkness that had settled on the street. His silhouette seemed to cut a somewhat melancholic figure.