BXBX NOVEL Chapter 1368 - Burdens of the Heart
Chapter 1368 - Burdens of the Heart
Vahn felt at a loss to see how things had turned out. He didn’t understand how his words had set off such a reaction in Nero but, in hindsight, he realized the deeper meaning behind Nero’s actions. She had left her fate in his hands, earnestly believing he had called her here because he needed her. This was why she didn’t allow others to get to her as, in the end, the only person who truly mattered, at least to Nero, was the one who had called upon her.
Based on how Gray had reacted, it was clear that Nero hadn’t really been accepted by the girls within the Inner Sanctum just yet. Her behavior made it difficult for her not to stand out so, even if she did her best to avoid offending people, they would always feel uncomfortable due to her unrestrained and prideful nature. They saw Nero as a threat, someone who seemingly believed themselves to be of a higher standing; someone who looked down on them.
The truth of the matter, however, was that Nero didn’t actually look down on anyone. Rather, she did her best to try and understand what she had done to upset them. Unfortunately, this was something that would take a considerable amount of time and an equal amount of effort.
Nero originally believed that the unique gathering of people would make it easier for her to fit in but, after the discussion from earlier, she realized it would be very difficult to mesh well with most of them. She couldn’t understand them, despite her best efforts. Inversely, they made no effort to even try and understand her, judging her based on how she carried herself as an Emperor. She could tell that, if they had the option, almost everyone within the Inner Sanctum would avoid her.
Vahn couldn’t have known what Nero was thinking about as, due to how deeply she had buried her true emotions; it was impossible to ascertain how she truly felt. He could have used View Affection to guide his actions based on the changes in her affection value but, after having decided not to rely on this ability; Vahn primarily made use of it only when dealing with enemies. He could usually sense the wants and needs of the people around him on a nigh-instinctual level so it hadn’t really been a problem before now.
Unfortunately, there was no medicine for regret so, having failed to understand what she needed from him, Vahn made Nero feel as though he had pushed her away. He was, quite literally, the very thing that anchored her to this world so, for him to tell her to seek happiness on her own, while also placing so many restrictions on her; Nero couldn’t help but feel he had abandoned her. His words made it clear, at least within her mind, that he didn’t actually need her. Even if she was to disappear from this world, Vahn, the man she called her Master, could just replace her at his leisure...
Now, Vahn could only watch with a pained and solemn expression on his face as Boudica held the borderline catatonic Nero in her arms. Her emerald green eyes had now lost their luster, revealing the true state of Nero’s psyche as she stared back at him with a slightly confused expression. It was clear she didn’t understand Boudica’s sadness or the pain visible in Vahn’s eyes. She could only feel that she had done something wrong and, if not for the crimson blood flowing from Boudica’s hand, she would have tried to take her life a second time.
Since standing around would accomplish nothing, Vahn eventually steeled himself as he walked over to the duo’s side. Boudica actually glared at him for a brief moment but, after a few seconds passed, she just shook her head and hugged Nero even tighter. Her look made Vahn feel as though his guilt had compounded but, doing his best not to let it show; he knelt down so that his face was only a few centimeters away from Nero’s as he muttered, "Never again...I won’t allow it..."
Feeling his own emotions begin to burst forth, Vahn had to take a deep breath through his nose as his eyes began to sting slightly. Fortunately, he was able to keep his composure enough to carry out his original intentions so, before Nero could ask what he meant; Vahn placed his hand atop her head as he solemnly stated, "It is an order...as your Master, I expressively forbid you to try and take your life, Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Your life had value...more than you seem capable of understanding. I hope, one day, you will understand the pain you have caused everyone here..."
After triggering such an extreme response from her earlier, Vahn didn’t really know what to say to the current Nero. Part of him wanted to just hug her, holding her body tightly until she realized just how important her life was. Boudica, however, didn’t seem intent on letting her go any time soon so, using Nero’s earlier words to guide his, Vahn decided to play the part of her Master...
As this thought crossed his mind, Vahn briefly remembered the peculiar incident that had occurred prior to Nero’s summoning. He had nearly selected the Lily version of Nero by pure happenstance and, now that he saw her like this, part of him wished that he had done so. Nero, in many ways, was like a child that desperately needed the guidance of parental figures. She didn’t know how to take control of her life without being in control of everything. Boudica could fill the role of a surrogate mother but, in the grand scheme of things, there was only one person who could have been a father to her...
Realizing these things, Vahn released a melancholic sigh as he continued to caress the confused Nero’s head. Now, even if he wanted to treat her as his daughter, Nero’s experiences made this all but impossible. Though he could give her a new vessel, just like Mordred, she would still have a lot of trouble fitting in with others, both children and adults. The ’best’ option would be to tweak her memories but that wasn’t really a solution, not in this case.
Since she had been watching him the entire time, Nero could tell that Vahn was struggling. She was unable to understand exactly why he was upset but she knew he was saddened by her actions. Since he had even used a command spell to prevent her from committing suicide, Nero began to feel like she had misunderstood the situation. It seemed like he still needed her so, even if she was unable to understand why, exactly, Nero began to feel her dark thoughts slowly fading away.
Like a switch had been flipped, Nero’s smile spontaneously returned, her aura blazing like a golden sun as she broke free from her catatonic state. She then used her free hand to lightly pat Boudica’s head, saying in a gratified tone, "Thank you for worrying about me. I’m fine now, umu, please release me...grkk...you are a lot stronger than you look. Umu..."
Hearing the first half of Nero’s words, Boudica put even more strength into her embrace. However, when she heard the former groan, she immediately weakened her hold, saying, "You’re not okay...not yet. Don’t think you can fool me with words alone..."
With Boudica refusing to release her, Nero couldn’t help but furrow her brows slightly but, just as she was considering breaking free, calming energy flowed into her mind, courtesy of Vahn. When she turned to look at him, the latter had a wry smile on his face as he stated, "Consider this your punishment for worrying us. It is okay to not be okay, Nero...you don’t have to force yourself to put on an act. Nobody here expects you to be a perfect Emperor without any flaws...after all, I have a fair number myself. If you want to fit in and understand others, you have to be willing to expose your true feelings to them. Don’t be afraid to ask for help...if there is something you don’t understand, we will help you find the answer..."
Though it was probably impossible for him to fill the role of a parent to the current Nero, that didn’t mean Vahn couldn’t help guide her. She had clearly been shaped from a young age to behave in a certain way so, even if it caused a few awkward moments between them, Vahn needed to be willing to reprimand and guide Nero when she made mistakes. He could also have her help test the Virtual World simulations with Da Vinci, potentially giving her the chance to live and grow from childhood without having to make any changes to her current self.
For now, however, Vahn needed to show Nero that she wasn’t unnecessary. She needed to know she had value, even if it would take her a long time to understand exactly what it was. With this in mind, he looked toward Boudica, adding, "For now, I’ll have you move into the Inner Sanctum as well. It will take a few weeks before we’re ready to establish the European Supercolony. Until then, I want you to live alongside Nero. I believe she will learn more from interacting with you than observing Artoria...is that okay?"
Though Nero seemed like she wanted to disagree, Boudica preempted her response by hugging her tightly and saying, "You don’t even need to ask." Then, in order to convince Nero, she whispered, "It will be okay. Your Master can be a bit of an idiot at times but he is surprisingly competent when it comes to things like this. Trust that there is a reason behind his decision and give it a chance...it may take a while, but I promise to teach you how to be happy."
Nero wasn’t completely convinced by Boudica’s words but, with her pointing out that this was the decision Vahn had made, she ultimately nodded her head in agreement. She was aware that she and Boudica would be working together during the establishment of the European Supercolony so, for the time being, she would do her best to get along with the buxom woman. This would also allow her to interact with the rest of the Inner Sanctum’s residents with greater ease, borrowing on the rapport that Boudica had built with them.
With Nero’s acquiescence, Boudica’s mood was instantly improved. A loving smile spread across her face before she noticed the wry one on Vahn’s. Then, remembering she had just called him an idiot, her brows furrowed in an apologetic manner. This caused Vahn to lightly shake his head, his smile returning to normal as he added, "I can’t force her to stay in one place but I’ll also leave Spenta in your care, at least for the time being."
Hearing Vahn mention Spenta caused the tensions in the air to dissipate slightly as even Nero had become rather fond of the adorable white-haired girl. Not only did she have a calming aura, but her skin was very soft to the touch. This, combined with her naturally high body temperature, made her an ideal companion for sleeping, something Nero had confirmed several times.
Feeling everyone’s mood improve, Vahn’s own tensions relaxed. He was hoping that Spenta would be the glue that brought Nero and the others together. Even if they didn’t like Nero, there was no way they could refuse Spenta as she was the literal manifestation of ’All the World’s Good’. The one time Vahn had sent Spenta away, as he had been rather busy, he ended up being filled with so much regret that he ultimately dropped what he was doing to go spend time with her.
Now, until Nero was able to relinquish her facade, Vahn would surround her with caring people who would never stop trying to peel back her protective layers. At the same time, he would try to become a good Master to her and, if necessary, a surrogate father. Though would never refer to himself in such a manner, as that would likely cause even more problems, that didn’t prevent him from treating Nero with the care she seemed to desperately need. Then, when she had finally opened her heart to others, he would reward her until she was completely satisfied...
(A/N: Alternate Titles: ’There will always be someone pained by your actions...’,’Boudica got that glare only a Mother can pull off...’,’Spenta is ’literally’ the goodest girl...at least in the Nasuverse (UwU). She still has a long way to go before reaching Fenrir, however~’)
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