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Chapter 16

"There aren't any good-looking ones," Ms. Ye video-called her with a face mask on. "They're all ugly and shabby. When you buy them, carefully pick some high-end ones. The beautiful new house door deserves matching high-quality couplets that don't bring down its value."

Yu Shu had bought her quite a lot of skincare products, everything she could think of. Ms. Ye kept verbally refusing them but applied them diligently morning and night nonetheless. The hand cream in particular never left her side, and her hands were nurtured into soft and fair whiteness.

"Ok, I promise I'll complete the mission."

The next day, when Yu Shu woke up, her right eyelid started twitching frantically. She tried stopping it by sticking a small piece of red paper to her eyelid using folk remedies, but the twitching only intensified, almost convulsing.

Hmm...maybe I shouldn't go out today?

Yu Shu checked the almanac to confirm it was auspicious to go out, before taking her dad out with her. But she didn't feel much relief in her heart - her dad's sense of security couldn't compare to even one-tenth of Ms. Ye's.

On the way there, Yu Shu didn't let her dad sit in the passenger seat, insisting that he take the back seat. She drove extremely carefully - no switching lanes, no passing, no competing, no aggressive maneuvers - and they finally arrived safely. The moment she stepped out of the car, her eyelid that had been twitching madly the whole morning finally settled. Then she heard a voice that made her temple pulse -

"Selling couplets! Handwritten couplets! Bad writing means free of charge! Come on over, sir, wanna take a look at the couplets?"

Shen Youlin was wearing an overcoat, hands tucked into the pockets, slouching with an arched back. In front of him was a small stand with couplets, and he called out enthusiastically. If listening closer, one could detect a Beijing accent mixed in.

What an unlucky coincidence to run into him.

Yu Shu walked forward, "Hi Mister, how much are you selling the couplets for?"

The moment Yu Shu stepped out of the car, Shen Youlin had spotted her already. But now he pretended not to recognize her and spoke with the accent of a Tianjin comedian, "Little missy, why're you asking if I'm an old man? Do I look like one?"

Yu Shu smiled without smiling, "Yes I think you do. Petty, and aging prematurely too."

Shen Youlin's breaths came out white in the cold, while the wind chafed his skin with wrinkles and dry patterns - his costume was very convincing.

"Young lady, you look quite pretty. Can't you just say something nice?"

Yu Shu sized up the ready-made couplets on the stand. They were written on thick gilt-sprinkled red paper, with varying fonts full of flair and individualistic charm. Having studied calligraphy herself briefly as a child, Yu Shu could appreciate their skill - Shen Youlin's writing was no amateur work that came overnight.

Contrasting the exquisite calligraphy were couplets with rather unscrupulous contents -

Top line: Woof woof woof woof woof woof

Bottom line: Woof woof woof woof woof woof

Horizontal batch: Woof woof

And another one -

Top line: One round of fierce operations like a tiger

Bottom line: Two dollars and fifty cents left in my pocket

Horizontal batch: Wealth dreams crushed

And one more -

Top line: No money no time no paper bills

Bottom line: Bald short and single

Horizontal batch: You the most miserable

There was also -

Top line: Squirtle returns to the Magic Cottage

Bottom line: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Horizontal batch: So cute!

...

Every single couplet was extremely annoying! No wonder nobody was buying them despite being prominently displayed.

"Take a look! Each pair is extraordinary and peerless!" Shen Youlin shook his head and swayed, shouting vigorously to peddle his works, "How about a pair of couplets for twenty bucks? Fair trade, no cheating!"

"Two bucks at most, not a penny more."

"Deal!"

Shen Youlin's refreshingly easy attitude made Yu Shu regret not bargaining lower.

"Then write me one. No marriage no love, youth and beauty eternal; No birth no raising, immortal and everlasting. Horizontal batch: Single and eternally youthful."

Shen Youlin immediately put down his brush and applauded her - his clapping like a seal's. "Kindred spirit! I've found my bosom buddy!"

Yu Shu glared ferociously, "Hurry up and write it! Bad writing means no pay!"

Shen Youlin shrank back his neck and muttered softly, "Why's she so fierce, I didn't steal her husband or anything."

Shen Youlin picked up another brush, readied new ink, spread the paper and began writing swiftly, wielding the brush sharply and fluidly in one go.

As he wrote, it was like a different soul had possessed him - not a hint of roguishness or oiliness remained that he usually exhibited. He seemed half-drunk, a poet with a jug of wine in one hand and a brush in another, his spirit half in and out of this world guided by the ink.

"Done! Take this back to pass down your family line!"

Yu Shu: "......"

If only he were mute instead.

Shen Youlin blew on the ink to dry it then dexterously wrapped up the couplet for her, holding it out to hand over. But just as Yu Shu was about to take it, he pulled back teasingly. "What're you doing, you haven't paid yet!"

Yu Shu took out her phone, "Your payment code."

Shen Youlin put on a straight face and pointed to the wooden box in the corner. "Sorry but cash only."

Then his roguish grin returned. "Beauty, or you can add me on WeChat and transfer me the money. I'll give you twelve percent off if you add me~"

"Dad!" Yu Shu raised her voice slightly.

Just as Shen Youlin was about to respond, her cannibalistic glare made him swallow back his "Oh?".

"Oh over here!" Yu Feng, who had been watching amusedly the whole time, walked over and took out two dollar coins from his wallet, placing them in Yu Shu's palm.

Yu Shu tossed them aloofly into Shen Youlin's money box with a tilted head. "Gimme it."

Shen Youlin eyed her outstretched and open palm, still refusing to give up. "Really don't wanna add me on WeChat? Twelve percent off!"

Her hand did look small, and soft too - tsk tsk, but how to know if it's soft without touching?

"No adding." Yu Shu squeezed out the words through gritted teeth.

"Fine."

Shen Youlin looked regretful as he slowly placed the couplet onto her hand. His fingertips lightly grazed her warm palm, eliciting a slight tingling.

Softer than it looks huh.

When Shen Youlin returned to Chang Garden, Yu Heting and his wife Lin Yanqiu were feeding the koi fish in the pond.

The winter courtyard seemed more bleak and deserted than other seasons. Even the welcoming pine tree at the entrance lacked some spirit compared to its usual self. Only the pond koi appeared vividly energetic, scrambling to snatch the food.

Shen Youlin casually grabbed a large handful of fish feed and tossed it into the pond. This angered Yu Heting into giving his butt a hard kick.

Clutching his butt, Shen Youlin sprawled belly-up on the beauty's couch, cursing the old man for being heartless even to his precious quasi grandchild.

"You're asking for it! Always overfeeding and killing off batches of my fish! You count just how many of my ponds of fish you've destroyed!"

Shen Youlin argued shamelessly, "One should enjoy life's pleasures to the fullest! How can anyone seek fun on an empty stomach? It's the same for fish - you won't even let them eat their fill!"

Yu Heting blew his moustache in anger and glared, raising the fish feed container as if to smash it down onto him. Lin Yanqiu stopped him in time and gently coaxed him for a good while before he finally simmered down.

"How has the sales been for your couplets this year?" Yu Heting asked in a low voice.

Shen Youlin proudly fished out two shiny dimes from his pocket, showcasing them like treasures to the elderly couple. "First sale this year!"

"......"

Yu Heting only felt his heart skip a beat. His gilt-sprinkled red paper of collector's edition quality that was paired with top grade sheep-hair writing brushes had sold for a mere two bucks?!

Yu Heting waved his hand feebly to indicate he didn't want to say more.

Shen Youlin pocketed the coins with great situational awareness and avoided the subject. "Uncle is back yet?"

Lin Yanqiu said, "The flight was delayed. He just called to say he's gotten off the plane."

"Oh."

"Got your ticket back to Beijing yet? When are you leaving?"

"I'll go change then come back to hang out, Granny and Grandpa!"

Shen Youlin whooshed away like the wind. Yu Heting and his wife gave a helpless head shake but couldn't help smiling at each other.

"More and more silly. You're the one who's spoiling him."

"So are you."

"Yes ma'am, whatever you say is right."