BXBX NOVEL Chapter 157: I can’t stand frustration! (1)
It was Priscilla, the Academy’s medic.
I had returned from killing Echis in good spirits, but my wounds had caused me to seek her out as soon as I arrived at the Academy.
“Not so bad this time. Not too…bad.”
Priscilla’s voice was nonchalant, though I couldn’t tell if it contained worry or not.
It wasn’t exactly nonchalant, but perhaps she had gotten used to me coming to her with scars.
In fact, they were just scars, small cuts that could be treated with the right herbs to make them less disfiguring.
But there was something I had been dying to ask Priscilla, and I had come to her on purpose.
“Dr. Priscilla, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“…What is it?”
Priscilla, on her heels, tilts her head as if my words have divine power.
“When a person goes through something traumatic… Is it possible for memories to be erased…?”
“Amnesia.”
The truth about the Ludwig clan, as told to me by Echis shortly before her death, was a strange thing and I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten something so important.
I hoped it was a fabrication, but that seemed unlikely. I couldn’t see any flaws in Echis logic so I turned to Priscilla, the medical officer, for a clear answer.
“…I’ve heard of such cases, but was that in childhood?”
“…”
The reason for the question seemed obvious, and Priscilla asked me so, and I nodded.
“Hmm… Human memory is very complex, and while it’s not usually easy to forget something traumatic, it depends on what it is. Humans have a strong survival instinct, especially when they’re young. Just like a newborn baby who can’t communicate will cry to let you know if they need something to survive so they don’t die.”
When she was done, Priscilla sat back in her chair, then continued.
“If you decide that carrying that traumatic memory with you, putting yourself in an extremely stressful situation, is going to be detrimental to your survival in the future, then you need to disassociate yourself from it so that you don’t give up on survival… It varies from person to person, but there are some people who choose to erase their memories, maybe it’s just instinctive… a way of protecting themselves.”
Erasing memories in order to survive.
I understood a little bit.
“…”
Priscilla suddenly became quiet.
She looks like she’s reflecting on something and soon she speaks again.
“…I don’t know what happened, but there must have been something that triggered those traumatic memories. Your case is not uncommon, especially since your generation experienced war as children. The loss and despair as a child is something else entirely.”
“…Though my memories aren’t complete yet.”
“Anyway, it’s what comes after that that counts. There’s a chance your memories will slowly return.”
“And when they do…”
“…it’ll be hard, but what you need to realize is that we don’t live in the past, we live in the present, so you don’t have to give up your present life and your future because of a painful past.”
With those words, Priscilla smiles bitterly.
Fortunately, contrary to her fears, giving up was not on my mind.
I’ve already given up and failed too many times so I knew it was pointless.
For what purpose did my clan, my family, carve this…this curse, this ability, this regression, into my body at the cost of their lives?
Did they have to?
I couldn’t reach it yet, but I knew I would have to find out.
I didn’t like the clan’s choice to take their lives so casually, but…
“…I’m not giving up.”
“Good.”
I stood up, ending the conversation and before I left the room I said,
“Thank you, Priscilla.”
And with that, Aizel walked away.
The truth she had so firmly believed in had been destroyed, but like Zetto before her, she walked into the future.
We all have our own stories to tell.
“…”
So did Priscilla, who remained in the room, staring blankly at the door through which Aizel had left.
After giving the confused Aizel advice and reliving her past for the first time in a long time, Priscilla got up from her chair and reached for her drink.
She hoped the drops would help her forget, if only for a moment, her childhood covered in blood and the faces of those who had stopped breathing in her arms.
“Live in the present… Ha, that’s not something I would say…”
Priscilla herself, who uttered those words, was caught up in the past and unable to live in the present.
***
Bernice contacted me through the crystal ball, after she dealt with Zagoras in quite a heated manner.
I hadn’t heard from her in a while, but I didn’t realize she’d already killed Zagoras.
I figured I could leave it to Bernice, but she was a little quicker than I expected.
Anyway, Zagoras, or Delion, as he was known, was the deputy leader of a country’s knight order, so Bernice said she wouldn’t be able to avoid ‘publicity’.
Sooner or later, it would reach Aizel’s ears.
It would be a bizarre thing for her, as a regressor, to have her future altered.
I was not worried, however, as there would be no mention of me.
I’m an honorary Templar, an unofficial status that doesn’t do any good to be known, and I’m not much of a source of information.
Bernice said she had thought about it.
I wondered how she would handle it, given her inability to tell a lie, but I had to leave this one in her hands.
Bernice ended the communication by saying that all was well, and that we should all talk soon.
Well, it’s unlikely that the saint and her knights will be drinking alcohol, but rather eating delicious food and it occurred to me then that we could make up for lost time.
I still had a lot to hide from Bernice, but it seemed like a good idea to tell her about Sierra.
I hadn’t forgotten about Rei and Geppeti.
She didn’t need to know about Geppeti, but I thought it would be better to tell her about the Hero Rei, since she was a saint, and they might one day be allies in the fight against the demons.
It’s just a matter of how to explain to her.
With that, the communication ended and the ‘analysis’ was complete… Geppeti wiped the blood from her face.
What was left after the analysis was mine. It was such a horrific sight that I didn’t want to look away, but I had to resist the urge to gulp it down, as the idea of devouring something with shadows requires a lot of concentration.
Fortunately, the analysis went well and she got some clues.
Geppeti said, it would be better to analyze a stronger demon next time but that was a matter of going out with her whenever I had time again.
It could be said that we had gotten one step closer to creating a great anti-demon weapon.
However, how would the ‘otherworldly species’ that had been defeated by ordinary mana-using desert warriors have to change to be able to fight demons?
They can’t even use divine power that is at odds with mana…so the idea of a great anti-demon weapon was not very clear in my mind.
Perhaps I should leave the more complicated issues to Geppeti.
Afterward, I returned to my normal routine and if there’s one thing that has changed in my calm routine it’s Kaen.
Originally, Kaen was scheduled to demonstrate her skills during the main exam but she made an unexpected choice.
I was curious about Kaen’s intentions, so I asked her once, but the answer I got was a vague “I just happened to…”
I can understand why, but there’s no point in jumping to conclusions right away. It’s not a big deal, it’s just an accelerated timeline, so I decided to wait and see.
By the way, Aizel’s expression was quite unhappy today. She had her usual sullen expression, but there was a subtle glint in her eyes.
A negative aura that said ‘Don’t touch me’ stretched out around her.
There hadn’t been any official announcement about Zagoras, or Delion, the deputy leader of the Golden Lion Knights, yet, so it shouldn’t be a problem…
‘…What did I do wrong?’
I slowly replayed what had happened with Aizel before.
I had told Aizel that I liked her, and she had blushed profusely, running away in a panic.
After that, we treated each other normally.
‘What’s wrong with being normal?’
However, Geppeti said it’s probably best to hold off on ‘dating’ until I’ve got the right framework in place.
‘If you could secretly have a relationship without anyone finding out, I’d recommend you try it, but it’s risky. If you do it wrong it could tear Lord Zetto into many pieces. A woman betrayed by love is a terrifying thing.’
I knew what it meant to be torn to pieces, having already been torn to pieces by Sierra.
She’d literally torn me apart.
‘I’m confused.’
No one could talk to Aizel with a face like that.
At that moment, Kaen, who was crouching on her back, cautiously approached Aizel.
“…Cadet Aizel, is it possible that… Can I see your spear change one more time?”
“…Huh?”
Aizel, who was standing with her spear in the middle of class, utters a questioning exclamation.
Watching the scene, I raised my eyebrows.
‘She’s been sneaking glances at her spear for some reason…’
It was typical of Kaen, who can’t think of anything cool.
“I thought it was cool… I thought it was very cool to change…”
“Ah, eh…”
Unable to resist Kaen’s insanity, Aizel folded and unfolded her spear without much effort.
“Oooh…!”
“…”
Kaen’s eyes sparkled with admiration, and Aizel scratched her head.
‘Honestly… I can’t stand it.’
Aizel’s spear, which was cool to look at.
After all, it was thanks to Kaen’s madness… Little by little, the color drained from Aizel’s face as she listened to Kaen’s outpouring of praise.
Instead of feeling good, she felt embarrassed.
It didn’t look too bad, so she managed to sneak a smile.
“Hey, Zetto…”
Yuri, who was now standing next to me, whispered to me so I immediately turned my head to look at her.
“Yes, Ms. Yuri, I’m listening.”
Yuri’s expression was troubled and in her hand, she held the Red Dragon’s Orb that I had given her earlier.
“I have a problem, can you listen to it seriously?”
“Yes.”
“That… The orb you gave me, I know it sounds crazy, but… but it’s been talking to me for a few days now…?”
“The orb is talking to you?”
“Yes. I hear a voice in my head.”
Yuri nodded, her eyes as serious as ever, and said, “Yeah.”
The orb had no such function or effect, not that I remember, at least.
When I had the orb in the first place, it didn’t talk to me or anything like that.
[Voices echoing in her head…I wonder if it’s similar to me?]
Sierra’s voice rings in my head as she listens to me and Yuri’s conversation.
Well, the good news is that Yuri isn’t the only one with voices in her head and just as she hoped, I was able to listen to her seriously without question.
“…So what does the orb say?”
“Well, it says…”
Yuri blushes and stutters at my question.
***
It was a few nights ago, the night of the joint battle against the demons in Edward’s illusion.
Yuri was having trouble sleeping, thinking about what had happened in Edward’s illusion.
“There’s something…”
Yuri muttered to herself as she lay in bed, unable to get rid of the feeling that something intimate had been said between Aizel and Zetto.
It was then that a harsh and vicious voice sounded in her head.
[Stuffy bitch…Something that would be neatly solved by taking his body first…]
The unfamiliar, tongue-in-cheek voice snapped Yuri out of her reverie and jerked her out of bed.
“Who is it?!”
Yuri’s eyes scanned the room quickly, but there was no sign of an intruder.
“…”
There was no one but herself, no noticeable change. It was her room, as familiar as ever.
“What is it…?”
Yuri’s question was interrupted by another voice echoing in her head.
[Oh, do you hear my voice at last, my master.]
“Master?”
[I don’t even want to call you master, even though you’re such a frustrating bitch…]
“Who are you…?”
Yuri, who had been on high alert, asked.
It was more of a communication than a vision, and less of an intruder.
Goosebumps were rising all over Yuri’s body, and the voice kindly informed her of its identity.
[Over here. Over here. No, not over here. To the left… yes.]
Yuri’s eyes follow the voice’s lead.
“…The orb?”
It was the ‘orb’ that Zetto had given her earlier, lying in the center of the room.
[Not just any orb, this body is a dragon.]
“A dragon?”
[Tsk…I’m so frustrated with this owner bitch.]
The orb that claimed to be a dragon was quite annoyed.
However, it was not a glass half full.
“Oh, well, I’m sorry you’re frustrated.”
Yuri replied in a sarcastic tone, and shook his head.
She wondered if she’d gone crazy from all the sleepless nights or was she already asleep and dreaming?
‘What the hell. Zetto gave it to me as a gift, so I can’t just throw it away…’
Yuri, who really didn’t need this annoying little guy, even if the orb was talking to her, was just thinking about it.
The orb speaks again.
[…So when are you going to sleep with him?]
“What do you mean…?”
[I mean, Zetto.]
“…Wait, how do you know that name?”
[Because I can read your thoughts. Didn’t you think of it first?]
“I, I never thought of that…?”
[Didn’t you fantasize about marrying some guy named Zetto and seeing your grandchildren?]
“I, I never did…?!”
[It’s no use denying it, I know everything about your life.]
“Who the hell do you think you are to know me…! And what do you care if I f*ck Zetto or not?!”
[Hmph, clueless bitch… There’s no point in telling me now, you won’t be able to.]
“Is this really…”
Eventually, Yuri, pissed off by Orb’s insolent behavior, fought with him in the middle of the night, screaming and yelling.
At one point, Yuri even tried punching it, but it only hurt her hand and didn’t do any damage to the creature.
It wasn’t until daylight that Yuri finally gave up fighting it.
It’s been like this ever since.
She wondered if Zetto, the man who had given her the orb, knew anything about this.
Yuri had gone back and forth on the question, wondering if she would look like a crazy bitch, but fortunately, the Zetto in front of her was listening to her very seriously.
“…So what does the orb say?”
“Well, it’s…”
Yuri couldn’t give a straight answer to Zetto’s question as she tried to defuse the situation.
[Pounce! Pounce! Pounce! ]
The voice of the orb in her hand was still echoing in her head.
“Hmph… is that just small talk…? It said it was a dragon…”
Feeling that she shouldn’t tell him what the Orb said, Yuri somehow managed to rephrase it.
“Hmph…A dragon. If what Ms. Yuri said is true, I wonder if the orb contains a dragon’s soul or consciousness.”
The orb muttered something along the lines of, “What’s the point of small talk…” but Zetto’s solution was quickly interrupted.
“Ms. Yuri, can you spare some time today?”
“Time? I have time… Why?”
“There’s a dragon I’m acquainted with, and when it comes to dragons, they know best.”
Holding up a finger, Zetto replied in a nonchalant voice.
‘You have a relationship with a dragon…?’
A normal human could spend a lifetime glimpsing the shadow of a dragon.
Yuri’s common sense couldn’t comprehend what Zetto had been doing all this time to be able to say such a thing as if it were nothing.
[Dragon…?!]
Meanwhile, Orb, who had been so cheerful just a moment ago, was expressing bewilderment.
[Master, master…He must be bluffing…No dragons…No dragons…]
For some reason, Orb was extremely reluctant to meet another dragon.
Sensing something was amiss, Yuri raised the corner of her mouth and nodded to Zetto.
“I’m good.”