BXBX NOVEL Chapter 273: I want to wait for Miyagi — 273
Chapter 273: I want to wait for Miyagi — 273
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
No matter how many times I look at it, the nails are short.
The nails, which have been cut so that the white part is gone, hold this day together, even if only for a short time.
So I wish my nails would stay short forever.
I let out a small breath and then close the cap of the nail oil I was about to remove. Place it on the table and pull the crocodile stretched out on the floor to back the bed.
The room feels bigger without Miyagi.
She will probably not be in this room again today.
She made a terrible effort, as Miyagi invited me, we did such and such, and we even had dinner together in a reasonably awkward atmosphere.
I don’t want any more.
I want to spend more time together, or sleep together.
I swallowed those words and said good night.
I exhale with a huff.
I look at the nail oil on the table.
I like it because it was given to me by Utsunomiya, and it is something that can elicit feelings of what I can only assume is jealousy from Miyagi.
But I don’t see the point in using it for that purpose today, and I don’t think it’s the right way to use it either. I don’t think I would want to use it even if it was nail oil I bought myself. It would be a shame to paint today’s Miyagi with something else.
I pop the crocodile on the head and look at the fingers.
I drop a kiss on the tip of the nail that Miyagi cut for me.
I turn up the temperature of the air conditioner once to a temperature that Miyagi seems to prefer.
It’s mid-March, it is getting warmer outside, and the days of using the air conditioner should decrease from now on. Maybe still Miyagi will warm the room more and therefore I will complain that it is hot. I hope those days continue.
Even if the shortened nails grow back to their usual length, and the days return like they never happened today, if the days continue to be normal, I can see how days like today might come again.
I hope this time it’ll be a day when I can get to know Miyagi more deeply, but I don’t mind if it is a day like today, a day from Miyagi. I hope the day will come when she will “want” to do it again and will be able to express it in words.
「…I guess it’s a pretty difficult problem.」
Even if she thought it, she’s not likely to say it out loud. It seems easier to get a cat to speak the same thing than to get Miyagi to say「I want to.」
I lay down on the floor.
I place the crocodile on my stomach and exhale slowly.
The cut and sewn blouse I got instead of the blouse that got soaked by the cider.
The blouse I exchanged at the festival.
A pendant representing ownership.
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To the earrings I got after I started college——
What I received from Miyagi is not just a “thing” but something special. The same is true of the stuffed penguin. Miyagi took it from a crane game and gave it to me as a “special item.”
I traded it for the crocodile.
And it was not returned despite my asking for it「back.」Miyagi’s hand grabbed the penguin and didn’t let go.
That kind of thing is unfair.
Miyagi, who won’t let go of my “special,” thinks I’m “special.”
That’s how my mind tries to understand Miyagi’s behavior.
「Not that I’m wrong, but…」
I have a special place in my heart as a roommate at Miyagi.
This is right and not wrong.
And our relationship is more special than roommates.
Miyagi would never admit it, but that is what we are doing. I just keep misrepresenting it for Miyagi’s sake and my own.
Sometimes the word roommate almost crumbles or tries to be replaced by another word, but we repair the enclosure that is about to break and fit into it so that we can live within the enclosure of roommates.
As long as we stay within the confines of our enclosure, we can replace the word “roommate” with our “specialness” as it changes form time to time.
I let out a deep breath and put the alligator back on the floor.
——I wish I could quantify the specials.
If it exceeds a certain number, it becomes something that’s not a roommate.
Such a system would make the world a cleaner place. No need to muster up the courage to change the relationship.
「…Would it be easier to teach a cat to speak?」
No matter how long we wait for a world with some kind of meter on top of our heads that quantifies specialness, it’s not coming. College is still three years away, and there’s no need to rush into changing relationships. There is no point in thinking nonsense about being roommates because there is no inconvenience, even if there is dissatisfaction.
In the first place, excessive expectations lead to unhappiness.
I experienced that.
I expected too much from my family and they betrayed me; they expected too much from me and they betrayed me. It is better not to expect too much.
I stand up and ruffle my hair.
I should let my head cool down a bit.
It’s not that I’m out of shape, but there’s too much Miyagi left in me today.
I switch off the air conditioner. After putting the crocodile on the bed, I opened the door of the room and Miyagi was standing there.
「Eh?」
The lights in the common areas are not on.
In the pitch dark, a ghostly Miyagi tries to escape. I grab her arm and call out to her.
「What’s wrong? Didn’t you say you were going to bed?」
「…I was thirsty.」
Miyagi blurts out an excuse and tries to shake my hand away.
That’s strange.
Her words and actions do not match.
If she’s thirsty, she should be standing in front of the refrigerator with a drink in it. I hear a gruff voice as I strain my hand to grab Miyagi’s arm, who I can only assume has come to see me.
「What is it with you, Sendai-san, coming out of nowhere?」
「I thought I’d have some barley tea.」
I’m not thirsty, but I need a cold drink to change my mind. But now I want to know why she was standing in front of the room,「Isn’t there something you want to talk about?」I ask.
「…It’s cancelled tomorrow.」
Miyagi’s arm escapes my hand.
「Cancelled?」
「White Day is cancelled.」
「You mean you’re not going to do anything?」
「Yes.」
Before boiling the pasta, she went out of her way to ask me about my White Day plans, and I thought she was planning to enjoy White Day with me, but she changed her mind.
「What are you going to do if it’s cancelled?」
Nothing.
Miyagi would have said so, but she didn’t say anything.
Instead, she grab my sweatshirt as if to fill the silence.
「I’ll be sleeping all tomorrow.」
When she said this, she pulls me toward the darkness.
「Isn’t it too unhealthy?」
「…I can’t sleep right now.」
With a small voice, something warm and raw sticks to my neck and loosely bristles. Miyagi bites my skin softly and lets go. She attaches her lips to mine again and sucks hard.
The marks on me before I ate the pasta and the many marks on me after I ate the pasta. New marks are added to me.
「How can I sleep with this?」
The light in my room illuminates Miyagi in the dark.
「I don’t know.」
Miyagi is definitely changing.
But she’s trying to get through the day by pretending not to understand. I don’t think that is a bad thing, but I would like to see an alternative to cancelling White Day.
「You can sleep tomorrow. Let me do what I want to do now.」
I know she won’t say, “Okay,” so I pull my face to Miyagi without hearing a response. I kiss her and bite her lip as she tries to shut herself away in the enclosure of being a roommate.
Miyagi’s hand pushes me.
I grab her hand and suck hard on her neck.
One, two.
I bite her with the same markings she made.
「It hurts.」
I made another mark and backed away from her as Miyagi pushed with all her might in a low voice.
I’m not lying when I say that I want to wait for the day when she’ll express her desire to do it again. It’s not that I don’t want Miyagi to do it.
But I can’t ignore my desire to do it with Miyagi.
This is like a reservation.
I will do to Miyagi the same thing that was done to me today.
I don’t know when that will be, but I will mark that day on Miyagi.
「Let me cut your nails again, Miyagi.」
I’m not going to rush.
The day Miyagi wants to do something like that is fine.
I may make an effort to loosen her reason, but I want Miyagi and I to be the same.