BXBX NOVEL Chapter 475 - 431
Chapter 475: Chapter 431
I guessed that made sense, it\'s not a natural phenomenon, and it\'s already a marvel of magical engineering to be what it is. What point was there to get every nuance perfect when the result wouldn\'t change by a significant margin?
"Hmm." I just hummed as I continued to watch the purple sky from atop Venelana\'s lap.
"How are you doing?" She asked after a few silent moments.
"Weirdly, a bit better." I said absentmindedly. "I think I\'ve been keeping that in for a long time and I never had a chance to let it out until now."
She nodded in understanding.
"Oddly.....I miss my mom a lot right now." I don\'t know why this feeling suddenly sprang up. It\'s not like there were times that I found myself missing her, but right now, it was stronger than it had been in a long while.
"There\'s nothing odd about that." She smiled warmly. "And it\'s good that you finally got that out. Is it a relief?"
"Yeah, a small one, but I feel like a knot in my stomach is gone that I didn\'t know was there before." I could acknowledge that much.
"And how do you feel about everything?" She asked.
"What, do you mean what he said to me?" I questioned.
"It\'s not an easy thing to hear."
I let out a snort. "I don\'t give a shit about that." I gave it a thought and I really didn\'t care so much about him admitting that didn\'t want me. It was obvious, and I had no fantasies about that changing. "I was just pissed more than anything else, mostly at the way he handled things after mom died."
"Are you still holding a grudge about losing your Childhood?"
"Of course." I think anyone would feel the same in my situation.
"And what do you want to do about it?" She continued to run her fingers through my hair.
"Realistically? Nothing." It\'s not like I was going to go into some kind of murderous rage after being poked like that. Sure, it still pissed me off, but.... "I\'ve lived a good life so far."
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Yeah, my childhood sucked. In hindsight, I was a depressed kid struggling through his formative years and that fucked me up in some particular ways. But, right at this moment, I\'m pretty happy. Obviously, discounting the previous hour or so. But I think I turned out decent enough." Despite the stress involved with all the things I have been juggling....I\'m happy. "Look, I\'m laying my head down in the lap of a wonderful woman. I have a harem of equally amazing women who for some reason reciprocate my affections. I must be doing something right, yeah?"
"Are you using us as validation?" She responded. "Do you mean to say that your worth comes from the fact that people you perceive as \'amazing\' see value in you?"
"Well.....isn\'t that true?" I returned.
"You shouldn\'t use others to validate your own worthiness." She lightly chided while playfully pinching my cheek. "You\'re missing a step in the logic. You think that because I am Amazing –" She said with a little bit of humor in her tone. "That this in turn means you\'re somehow validated in life. Your logic has a small flaw. Do you think I would be with someone who isn\'t also Amazing?" She gave me a rather beautiful smile. "You need to accept that just as you see us as Amazing, we in turn, see you the same way, otherwise we would have never been together. Don\'t derive self-worth from those around you. You\'re not Amazing in turn because we all care about you, we care about you because you are Amazing."
"Wow." I don\'t know why that hit as hard as it did. Shit, was I acting like Artoria? Was this how it felt from her perspective?.
"Alright, I\'ll try to be better."
"The important thing is to acknowledge it in the first place." She nodded happily.
Well, it\'s not like that\'s the reason I have a Harem. That would be just so many shades of inappropriate and I\'m sure they would be able to see through that easily enough.
"But yeah....I think, I\'m living a good life right now, and I\'m happy. You know everything about me, for the most part. I\'ve had my ups and downs, I\'ve experienced things that nearly broke me, but also things that I would cherish regardless of how long I live." But for some reason, I found myself frowning.
"You\'re feeling guilty, aren\'t you?"
"Guilty?" I repeated. "Explain."
"Like, you don\'t feel like you\'re allowed to be upset about what happened, because it led to where you are now. If you were raised properly, had a good childhood, would you be in this same spot?"
"....I wouldn\'t be." I admitted. "Things would be different. I....probably wouldn\'t have you, at a minimum. Am I really allowed to be upset if, right at this moment, I wouldn\'t trade what I had for a good childhood?"
"Of course you\'re allowed to be upset. You can mourn something you never were allowed to have while also being happy with what the consequences led to." She immediately replied. "You\'re a person with feelings, they\'re complicated, and contradictory at points, but no less relevant and important to you. You were wronged, that is objectively true. But you built something good for yourself anyways, that is something you should be proud of. One doesn\'t have to conflict with the other."
"...I sometimes forget that you\'re a certified Psychologist."
"Well, not really \'certified\' anymore." She giggled. "But I\'m always happy to help you out when you need to talk. I admit, I don\'t see eye to eye with a lot of human concepts. But I\'ll always have an ear for you to talk into."
"I\'m pretty sure this isn\'t the normal procedure for seeing a psychologist." I found myself smiling. "But I won\'t complain." I may have squeezed her thigh a little bit.
"Hey now, Mister." She lightly chided me again. "Wait until later. We can roleplay with this tonight if you want~"
Well, if there was ever a way to suddenly pick my spirits up.
"Do you by chance have any nun outfits?" I asked.
"Sweetie." She cupped my cheek. "I\'m a Devil, of course I do. I\'ll show you the closet where I keep all my outfits for roleplay later."
Alrighty then. I guess it was a stupid question to ask.
"I\'m sorry for ruining dinner." I just blurted out without any build up. Maybe it was the wrong moment to say it, but I felt like I needed to. "I shouldn\'t have let myself get upset like that."
She didn\'t even pause with what she was doing. "You\'re forgiven."
"Just like that?" I pursed my lips.
"Sweetie, did you think that anyone in that room didn\'t expect it to end up in a similar fashion?" She looked at me with one of those looks.
"....really?"
"It was expected, don\'t worry about it." She reassured me.
"And you still want us together in the same room, when you expected this to happen?"
"It was important for you." She said casually. "I won\'t deny that it was important for my son as well."
"Still, I don\'t like putting you in that position." Jeez, I felt like shit even so. "I insulted your daughter, then your son...."
"Extenuating circumstances." She waved it off easily. "Believe me, I will tell you if I think you\'re about to step over a line."
"God, the thought of you being upset with me makes me physically queasy." Like the thought if I actually did harm to her family and she looked at me with anger. It was the same with any of my girls, just the idea that they would ever look at me like that made my wrech.
"It\'s very hard for me to reach that point, don\'t worry." She patted my cheek again. "And you are a good person, I know you would never intentionally do anything to harm my family." She paused for a second. "Well, relatively speaking."
"What? What does that mean?"
"Lets just say....I owe Zeo some money for a wager."
I groaned. "Did you bet if we would physically fight?"
"Yes." She said without an ounce of shame. "Don\'t get me wrong, I didn\'t expect you to try and kill one another. But....I\'m a little surprised a punch or two wasn\'t thrown."
"Seriously?" I gaped.
"Boys sometimes fight to resolve problems." She shrugged. "I\'m not going to kick up too much of a fuss if you just beat each other up. Sure, I would be upset that two people I care about hurt one another. But I wouldn\'t be upset, if you understand."
"I wouldn\'t –"
"Izanami and Susanoo." She cut me off.
The words then died in my mouth. "Okay, good point."
She nodded smugly. "As I said, I wouldn\'t have held it against you. I even talked about the possibility with Izanami and asked her advice. She simply said to let it play out as long as it didn\'t escalate too far."
"Huh..."
"I would have punished you, of course." She also stated.
"Punished, or punished?" I raised my eyebrows.
"You wouldn\'t be getting between Grandma\'s legs if it happened." She revealed with a sultry smile.
I realized how much of a Devil I actually am in situations like this, because her referring to herself as my Grandma really tickled me a certain way.
"Speaking of the others, I should probably give them a heads up that we\'re good here." They probably expected something to happen as well.
"Don\'t worry, I already took care of it." She replied.
"....really?"
Venelana nodded. "I made sure to keep them up to date, and answer the questions they have. If you want, I can tell you what they\'re all up to right now and all of that. But you don\'t need to worry, they know you\'re alright."
"Huh, you\'re on the ball."
"It\'s almost like I\'ve done this before." Her eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Right, you managed Zeoticus\' harem, didn\'t you?"
"Oh yes, I made sure everything ran as smoothly as possible. You wouldn\'t believe everything that went on in the background that he never saw."
"....now I\'m tempted to ask for myself."
She patted my cheek again. "Secret~"
I knew they had their own \'secret\' chat between themselves, but maybe I didn\'t know everything that went on that I didn\'t see. But if they didn\'t say anything, I wasn\'t going to stick my nose into it. It was just as important that they got along together, especially when I wasn\'t there, as I got along with them.
"Want to hear something funny?" She suddenly asked.
"Hmm?"
"My son is probably in his room doing this with his Wife too."
I don\'t know why, but I started cracking up. Maybe it was just the ridiculousness of the situation and the way she delivered it. But for some reason, the picture of a man I despised doing exactly the same as me sent me into a giggle fit.
I felt much better than only a few minutes ago.
However, Venelana suddenly got a very serious look on her face. "Want to go have sex?"
".....yes."
I was feeling significantly better, and She did promise me the entire weekend, so I was going to make good use of it.
[***]
Grayfia Lucifuge POV
Well, this evening could have gone worse.
My big oaf of a Husband was just silently laying his head down in my lap as I ran my fingers through his hair.
"I messed up again, didn\'t I?" He eventually opened his mouth.
"Do you need me to really answer that?" I questioned back.
He let out a groan and pushed his face into my thighs. "I didn\'t mean to."
"You didn\'t mean to tell your abandoned child that you never wanted them right to their face?" I asked evenly.
"I...It didn\'t come out right. It\'s not what I meant." He said softly. "I don\'t...." He became quiet. "I can\'t say it\'s not how I felt, but It\'s not how I wanted to say it."
"A poor choice of words then."
"Yeah...a poor choice of words." He agreed.
Well, I can\'t fault him for feeling that way. But we can both agree that he chose poorly in how to express himself. It was understandable, but not excusable. He is far too old to lash out like he did.
"You don\'t usually get riled up so easily." I continued to sooth him.
"I don\'t know what happened." He turned his head over. "I just felt it boiling up so quickly. The way he was just...taking shots at me, then the way mother was hanging off him. I just finally reached the point where I lost my temper."
"It was hardly the first time that Venelana\'s relationship with him was thrown in your face."
I was keeping a straight face, but I wasn\'t entirely happy with it either. It\'s not as if it was....strange for our people, I suppose, but it made me feel even more awkward than normal. And it didn\'t help that Venelana seemed to enjoy perpetuating that awkwardness.
Maybe that was her way of subtlety punishing us?
He scrunched his nose. "I never had to see it so close before."
"Are you sure it isn\'t because you can\'t deny it\'s happening now?"
He pouted. I loved my husband, but he can be childish at times. "I thought it was just to get back at me, so I was bearing with it, thinking she would eventually stop playing around."
"And now it\'s obvious this isn\'t the case and you\'re going to have to deal with it." I was blunt.
He nodded. "I hate it."
"You\'re allowed to hate it, but you have no say in it." I reminded him.
For all his power, he sometimes thought he could dictate certain things he really had no right to. He\'s always had a bit of a habit for needing to control certain things around him.
He scowled when I reminded him of his position. "I could do something..."
"No." I rejected.
"But –"
"Sirzechs." I said sternly. "You\'ve already done a lot. Leave it."
He let out a long sigh. "Fine."
"Good." I was happy he accepted so easily.
"I messed up, huh?"
"You did." I nodded again as he calmed down a bit. "It was good that we decided not to bring Millicas."
"So he wouldn\'t see his idol taking shots at his dad or screwing his grandmother?"
"So he wouldn\'t see his father act like a child." I replied.
As much as he admired his brother at the moment, it would never compare to his father.
"....fair." He accepted again. "....should I apologize?"
"For what exactly?" I raised an eyebrow. "For abandoning him for years and leaving him to fend for himself with me occasionally checking up on him to make sure he wasn\'t dead. Or anything specific in that period of time you want to point out. Or just for the comment about him being unwanted to his face?"
"Since when are you defending him? Did you suddenly turn over a new leaf?"
"Sirzechs." I said pointedly. "He saved our son."
That made him release any anger or annoyance that came from our conflicting views at the moment.
"yeah...he did." Sirzechs\'s tension visibly eased. "I never apologized to you properly for making you handle that, did I?"
"No." I replied without much expression.
"I\'m sorry, dear." There was a genuineness in his tone. Granted, I had forgiven him a long time ago even if I was still upset. But hearing a genuine apology, well. I found myself smiling slightly.
"I forgive you." I continued to rub his head. "I\'m not without sin here either. I handled it poorly and I could have done a much better job. We\'re both to blame."
Was it jealously?
I don\'t even think it was that.
I didn\'t care if Sirzechs had a harem. The reason he didn\'t was because of the political ramifications, so those old bastards made it a rule that the Satans can\'t have a Harem. Or, at least, that\'s what he likes to say, but everyone knew he wouldn\'t give any credence to that if he didn\'t want to.
He just....for some reason, only cared about me.
Maybe that\'s why I treated that scared boy with such disdain. It\'s funny, if he had brought in a mistress and they happened to have a child, I think I would have been overjoyed.
What a mess this entire situation was.
We both were at fault.
But that bridge had long since been burnt. "Don\'t apologize." I finally said.
"Really?" He looked up at me incredulously. "You really think I shouldn\'t?"
"It\'s not that you shouldn\'t, but that at this point, it would probably do more harm than good." I explained. "I think the best we can do now is to just.....keep our distance." Any apology now...it would come off as insincere and just....forced, regardless of how we tried.
How exactly did one apologize for abandoning a child for so many years?
Besides, we owed him far too much now to try and force any kind of reconciliation.
"We should –" Sirzechs stopped because there was a banging somewhere. "What\'s that noise?"
I also heard the thumping. "It sounds like it\'s coming from next –"
"Oooh." The moan was audible through the walls.
Both Sirzechs and I froze up upon realizing what the sound was.
"....they\'re next door, aren\'t they." Sirzechs whispered.
"It appears so." I replied, amidst the constant thumping.
....that was the room Venelana was staying in since she and Zeoticus stopped sharing a bed upon her being with Wilhelm....
"Grayfia?"
"Yes, Dear?\'
"What is the mature and reasonable response to hearing my son fuck my mother in the next room over?" He asked.
"When I figure that out, I will tell you."
"Grayfia."
"Yes Dear?"
"What happens if they have a kid?"
".....we try our best to behave well with your new Grandson—Sibling."
Based on the sounds, I suppose he was correct. It certainly wasn\'t for the lack of trying on their part.
"By the way, your punishment is going to be explaining to our son the fact that his Grandmother is now having sexual relations with his brother." I was not touching that with a ten-foot pole and we\'ve successfully kept it from him to this point. However, it was going to get out eventually and I was certainly not going to be the one dealing with it this time.
".....yes dear."
[***]
Non-Canon Omake: Through the looking glass. Part 1.
It\'s odd, you would think that falling through the infinite void would be something I\'m used to at this point.
You would be incorrect.
While hurling through both nothingness and everything after a bout of trouble and a bit hurt, I was still screaming where no sound existed.
It made me feel better even if no one would hear, maybe because no one would hear it.
Regardless, I pushed through and tore open a path using the Kaleidoscope. My calculations were pretty much non-existent, so I sort of...eyeballed it.
Like trying to throw a baseball from an airplane to hit a target on the ground.
I tried to force myself into the direction of home, and I pulled myself through. Sunlight greeted me, so I realized I partially succeeded at least, but my face landed squarely into some dirt and grass.
I rolled myself over with a grunt, the ground was sunken and deformed into a bit of a hole at my descent.
Nothing I couldn\'t walk off, even if it felt like I got kicked in the balls, multiple times.
After a moment, I pushed myself up off the ground and dusted myself off.
I was about to leave until I realized where I was, making me scrunch my face. I was in the backyard of that house. It seemed like they rebuilt it so I\'m guessing I was home, relatively speaking. I was in Kuoh, and at the house I grew up in.
Hmm, should I burn it down again? It would certainly make me feel a tad better.
Wait, why are there a stupid amount of Magical Protections around the place?
.....Ones I just crashed right through.
While the question conflicted me, the back door was pushed open.
Before I could understand what, or rather, who was looking at me, my body reacted first. I felt my arms trembling almost uncontrollably.
I quickly turned around.
"Well, this is the first time I had someone drop in so literally." Her voice made me stiffen.
"Apologies, this isn\'t my home, I must have taken the wrong turn somewhere." I cleared my throat. "I\'ll just get out of your hair –"
"Stop." She said, and I felt myself instinctively come to an abrupt halt as I attempted to walk away. "You\'re familiar, turn around."
"There\'s no need for that, I\'ll just leave and we can pretend this never happened." Well, this obviously wasn\'t a mundane home, so I flicked my wrist and was about to Portal way, but...
"Takao Shimoda, you will stop this instant.."
I froze.
"....I think you\'re confusing me with someone else."
"Turn Around."
My body refused to listen to me as I turned around towards her.
"Silly boy, do you think there would ever be a time I wouldn\'t recognize you?"
I looked at the face of a woman I hadn\'t seen in many years. "....mama."
Tears began falling uncontrollably.
[***]
This was...not what I expected.
It was an accident, I shouldn\'t be doing this.
I found myself fidgeting because I couldn\'t look her in the eyes.
"Is it time travel?" She suddenly blurted out.
"Pardon?"
"Why you look older, and your hair is longer." She reached over, flipping my pony tail. "You look good with long hair." She smiled. "Look at you, so grown up. How old are you now?" She put a hand on my cheek.
"....I don\'t know."
"....did you fail math that bad?" She looked at me incredulously.
"It\'s complicated." I huffed. "Time is....wait, why did you assume time travel? Why are there Magic Protections here? Why are you living in this house?"
"Sweetie, are you okay?" She frowned. "Did you hit your head in the fall?" She stopped for a minute. "It\'s not time travel, is it?"
"...no." I admitted, very quietly.
"Explain it to me."
I took a deep breath. "There\'s this concept of Parallel worlds, where slight differences can –"
"I understand." She cut me off.
"Ah..." Well she was always really smart. I guess I didn\'t need to go in depth for her to get the picture. "I\'m sorry....I\'m not your son. This must be awkward for you, let me just leave so that – "
A pair of arms wrapped around me tightly. "You will always be my son." She whispered, grabbing me for a big hug. "I don\'t care about the circumstances. You are my Takao, that won\'t ever change."
"Mama..."
"Hush, your mama is here." She didn\'t ask me why I was crying, I guess she didn\'t need to. "I just have two big boys now. One of them a little bigger than the other." She released me after a few moments, looking me over. "You\'ve been through a lot, haven\'t you?"
"What makes you say that?" I wiped away some of the errant tears.
"Your eyes are much older now." She gently used her thumb to help. "My poor boy, what happened to you?"
"It\'s not all bad." I found myself smiling.
"Tell me about it. Tell me all about your life, I want to hear everything."
"Well...it\'s a long story." My heart felt more at peace than I have for a very long time. "I have a daughter."
My mom let out the loudest squeal I\'ve ever heard. "I\'M A GRANDMA!"
"Mom...." I felt heat rise up in my cheeks.
"Gah! I can\'t believe it, I\'m finally a Grandma! It\'s about time you and Sona gave me a grandbaby!"
The warmness abruptly faded away as I processed what she said.
"Excuse me?"
"Huh?" She tilted her head. "Did I say something wrong?"
"...what did you say about me and Sona?"
"Is....are you two not together?" She looked at me for validation. "My Takao and Sona have been so cute together. They grew up together, as you probably know. But they\'ve always had this little crush between them and he finally asked her out this past year, and they\'ve been dating for a few months now. It\'s so cute! I have so many pictures, and I know Serafall has just as many!"
She continued to say words, but it was just white noise at this point.
Me and her?
I was pretty sure that fall killed me.
Because this was a special kind of hell.
It was enough that I didn\'t even care to parse the Teleportation Magics flaring up around us.
[***]
A/N
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